Thursday, June 13, 2013

THE THROWDOWN: Gus's Coterie Vs. Ruby's Menagerie

ROUND 1: Hand-Me-Downs
Gus - Jacob Bear
Jacob Bear was made by Gus's Paternal Great-Grandma Ruby for Brad. Jacob once belonged to Gus's sister Ruby, but Ruby paid so little attention to him, that Jacob was moved into the Gus Camp. He holds a grudge.

Ruby - Peanut Butter
Peanut Butter was originally from a pair of twins that were found and purchased by Ruby's mom and Auntie Bekah. Peanut Butter suffers from anxiety from being separated from her sister, Jelly.

WINNER: TIE - Jacob Bear is older and has a richer history, but Gus ignores him only slightly less than Ruby ignored him. Peanut Butter's history isn't as dense and lovely, and far more filled with pain and loss, but at least Ruby occasionally lets Peanut Butter sleep in the bed, albeit shoved all the way in the corner, behind the pillow.

ROUND 2: The Guard Dogs
Gus: "Woofie" Alowishus Puppy
Woofie is on loan from Ruby's Menagerie and currently advises Gus on all things dog-like and lickable. He is supposedly the guard dog of Gus's room, but he mostly sits around near the heat exchange being brown.

Ruby: Scottie Dog
Scottie is on a mission to prove himself. Normally he is overshadowed by Woofie, but since Woofie is on loan to Gus, it's Scottie's time to shine. He is a much better guard dog than Woofie ever was, but is a little overzealous. His habit of waking up the "troops", as he calls the others in Ruby's Menagerie, with a bagpipe version of Taps has resulted in him being forcibly smothered at the bottom of the Menagerie Basket.

WINNER: RUBY - Woofie's allegiance to Gus is in severe question.

ROUND 3: The Cuteness (Bunnies)
Gus: Buhn-Buhn the Floppy Bunny
While not much to look at when he is just lying in a slump, in the hands of Gus he is an unstoppable M1 Garand of cuteness. Unfortunately, he has no other skills, and is a drain on the rest of the coterie. 

Ruby: The Velveteen Rabbit
This guy is trying way too hard. The others want to smack that smile right off his cutesy rabbit face.

WINNER: GUS - Bow before the adorable might of Buhn-Buhn

Round 4: The Brains
Gus: Ow-Woe
The most recent addition to Gus's Coterie, Ow-Woe has already proven invaluable. While his reputation has been damaged by the current hipster owl obsession, he is an essential intellectual asset. He is also invaluable in the quest to discover how many licks it takes to get to the center of a tootsie-pop.

Ruby: Darryl the 3rd 
Darryl the 3rd is one of the most established members of Ruby's Menagerie, but has the misfortune to have been named in the Great Darryl initiative of 2011. Currently, 5 dolls around the house share the name Darryl.  Also, Darryl is just a little creepy, which keeps getting her shoved under the bed.

WINNER: Gus - Ow-Woe is wise and doesn't creep the jeepers out of me.

ROUND 5: The Freak
Gus: Tigger(tm)
Tigger(tm) was the original member of the Coterie and is still much beloved. He advises on energy policy and, surprisingly, education reform. However, he would have already been in contention for "Freak" spot just based on his bouncy, wouncy, trouncy, flouncy tendencies; but this poor guy has a bigger strike against him: he has no lower body. His rib-cage ends in a velvety and satiny flow. It's like he is a tiger top on top of a manta-ray body. He's an abomination of nature.

Ruby: Blankie
A leftover shard of blanket tied into a nebulous doll-shape, Blankie brings pathetic to a new level. She is basically a fleece jellyfish, and no one wants to get cuddly with a jellyfish.

WINNER: Gus. At least Tigger has the arms and head of one of the most beloved Disney(tm) characters. Blankie can't really function as a blanket or a doll. 

ROUND 6: The Explorer
Gus: Monkey Wayne
Monkey Wayne is the soul of adventure. He makes up one of the Beloved Trio (with Tigger(tm) and Buhn-Buhn), and is Gus's body guard and financial advisor.  Also, I found this in Monkey Wayne's closet:

Ruby: Naked Baby
Naked Baby is far and away Ruby's favorite. If Ruby travels with a entourage, Naked Baby is always in attendance, lording it over the other dolls in all her naked glory.

WINNER: Ruby. Monkey Wayne may also be BatMonkey, but he does his adventuring while being able to rely on his skills and gadgets. Naked Baby throws caution to the wind and greets the world wearing nothing but a small smile on her face. 

VICTOR: Gus's Coterie.
While there are impressive specimens in both groups, Gus's Coterie functions far more efficiently as a team. Ruby's Menagerie is scattered and divided, members tossed off at Ruby's toddler whim.


  1. The bear over Naked Baby's naked lady business is from MY blog!! Hahaha

    1. I guessed that would be the case!

  2. This absolutely has to become a beloved animated series... Baby Entourage!!

  3. I'm now watching Animal Planet on TV, Meerkat Manor. I love that they name all the cute little fellow. Reminds me of Brad and the all the other "Kids" who live with and love Gus and Ruby.

  4. Love the BatMonkey (Build-a-bear?). We have the same monkey, except he's a Ninja. My brother got him for Thomas years ago and named him Simon K Netzel - 'sa Monkey Netzel'. I believe you and my brother would hit it off.