Wednesday, June 12, 2013

The Baby Show: Every Morning with Gus.

Players: Brad, Gus
Location: Gus’s Room
At 6:30am, Gus has been making toddler noises from his room for about 10 min, a signal that he is not going back to sleep. In the baby monitor, he has been crawling and running all over his bed, which has been situated in the room so that he can’t climb out of it – basically it is a twin-sized crib.

Brad comes in and turns on the light: “Good morning, Man-Baby! Time to get up.”
Gus squints his eyes and throws himself away from Brad: “NO NO.” {I’m not ready to get up. I still have some important things to do here.}
Brad: “Well, it’s time to go. Don’t you want breakfast?”
Gus: “Behvest.” {You make an excellent point. Very well.}
However, before Gus comes over to be lifted from bed, he walks over to the far edge of his bed, where the headboard is, and points down: “Menkah.” {Before you go, you must retrieve Monkey Wayne from The Chasm.}
Brad comes over and looks down in the space between the headboard and the wall – about a foot and a half – and spies Monkey Wayne down on the floor: “What is Monkey doing down there?”
Gus points emphatically: {He was on an important exploratory mission, but I lost contact with him shortly after his departure and have been unable to retrieve him.}
Brad: “Fine, I’ll get him.” Brad contorts his body over the headboard and is momentarily upside down while he retrieves Monkey Wayne.
Brad hands Monkey Wayne to Gus. Brad: “What do you say?”
Gus makes the sign language motion for Thank you: {I do appreciate it, kind sir. Monkey Wayne should have some important information on whether we can launch an expedition into that area.}
Brad lifts Gus out and puts him on the changing table and begins changing Gus’s diaper.
Gus: “Bite-Min?” {I do believe that it is traditional that you provide me with a gelatinous multivitamin in the mornings. I would enjoy consuming it at this time.}
Brad retrieves the vitamin: “Look Gus, this one is a race car.”
Gus: “CAW” {I share your enthusiasm for delicious treats shaped like interesting machinery.}
Gus eats it while his diaper is changed. Brad then stands Gus up and puts a tank-top shaped romper-type outfit on him.
Brad looks Gus over: “Will you be lifting weights later at the gymnasium while twirling your handle-bar mustache?”
Gus looks at him quizzically: {I don’t believe I am quite familiar with the phrase.}
Brad: “You look like a 1920’s weight-lifter.”
Gus looks down at himself: {Really? SMASHING}
Brad lifts Gus up and opens the door.
Gus grunts and points: “Mehkah.” Brad picks up monkey from where Gus has dropped him and heads toward the door.
Gus makes a distressed sound: “Tig-guh.” Brad picks Gus’s Tigger-headed lovey from the bed and turns to the door.
Gus bounces his little toddler body and makes a chirping sound: {Stop trying to leave before you have collected my entire coterie.} “Buhn-Buhn.”
Brad picks up Buhn-Buhn the Floppy Bunny from the bed. He hands it to Gus, who is now holding all three dolls simultaneously in his chubby toddler arms.
Brad: “Really, you need all three?”
Gus bounces, almost dropping Tigger. {Of course. They are my entourage. They provide me with useful advice and witticisms. They are invaluable.}
Brad: “Really. What sort of advice?”
Gus looks at Monkey Wayne: {Monkey Wayne provides me with both financial advice and is my personal bodyguard, since –as you know- he is Batman.}
Brad nods and Gus continues: {Tigger advises me on energy and educational policy.}
Brad: “I’m not sure I quite get that latter option, but okay. What about Buhn-Buhn.”
Gus looks at Buhn-Buhn the Floppy Bunny and then back at Brad: {My good man, isn’t it obvious? Look at him, he’s adorable. He is, as the kids say these days, my wingman.}


  1. This is so true! I took a picture of Gus yesterday walking around with all three of his entourage!

  2. LOLZ!! My laughter is unending!

  3. Laughing so hard... And I so know what you mean!