Friday, June 21, 2013

The Baby Show: The Great NapTime Adventure: Part 2

Players: Brad, Gus, Ruby; Buhn-Buhn, Monkey Wayne, Ow-Woe, Tigger, Woofie
Location: Gus’s Room, mostly.

---Continued from Part 1---

Gus eyes the furniture surrounding his bed. {Now let's see....}
After Brad’s adjustments to the headboard, the bed seems surrounded on all sides. The foot of the bed and one side are against the wall. The headboard is now become an impenetrable blanket-wall. The only hope of escape lies on the other long-side of the bed.
Gus: {So here is what we have, chaps. As you know, the south-west edge of the bed-plateau is blocked off by the baby-gate contraption. Most of the north-west corner is blocked my dresser-mountain, with the extreme north-west corner consisting of bedpost-spire and rocking chair-cliff. I would welcome any sage words on the predicament.}
Buhn-Buhn: {Listen, brah. I think I can speak for the group when I say that this is a mondo bad idea.}
Tigger: {HOE HOE, I think that adventure is always a good idea.}
Monkey Wayne: {Shut it,  Mr. Trouncy-Pouncey Pants.}
Gus: {I think I have it. Dad-Man has left the top of dresser-mountain bare. I believe I can pull myself up onto the peak, and then lower myself down the other side.}
Monkey Wayne: {Gus, I have to stop you there. I can’t condone that course of action unless you have some sort of climbing equipment, or at least a utility belt.}
Gus: {No time to dally, my hesitant monkey. Fortune favors the foolish!}
Gus comes up to one side of the dresser and grabs a side edge with one hand while reaching as far as he can toward the far edge. He then hoists his milk-belly as far up as it will go, and pushes off the child-safety railing with one foot. As he slides across the top of the dresser, he is able to grab the far edge and pull himself the rest of the way.
Gus: {HUZZAH! I have scaled the slopes of dresser-mountain.}
Ow-Woe: {What’s it like up there, young master?}
Gus: {It’s cold, the wind has a chill in it. Also, I find that I’m easily made short of breath, but the view is fantastic!}
The bedroom door opens violently as Brad comes running from the kitchen.
Buhn-Buhn: {It’s the fuzz. Act natural.}
Brad grabs Gus and deposits him forcibly back in bed. “NO Gus. Do not ever climb up there. It’s dangerous. DO NOT GET ON THE DRESSER.”
Gus: {I’m sorry to say that I have already fallen in love with the exhilaration of scaling the tallest peaks. In all honesty, I cannot assure you that I will not seek that glorious height again.}
Brad: “I appreciate your honesty.”
Brad moves the changing table mat onto the top of the dresser and adjusts it so there is little room for anything else.
Gus: {Well played, sir.}
Brad: “Now go to sleep before I lash you to the bed.”
Gus lies down and rolls over on his front, straight as a board, with his face completely buried in the mattress: (Muffled) {Boo mihn dis mowd, thuh.}
Brad closes the door.
Gus pushes himself up into snake position. {I do love a challenge.}
Gus stands and analyzes dresser-mountain: {Well, that’s out.} He walks up and down the edge of the bed several times.
Woofie: {WOOF!}
Gus: {What’s that, boy?}
Woofie: {WOOF, WUF}
Gus: {Really?} Gus goes down to the foot of the bed. There is a 2-inch gap between the end of the Child Safety Gate and the wall. {Well done, boy}
Gus turns around, drops onto his belly, and backs-up toward the gap. He puts his right chubby toddler foot through the gap and down onto the bed's frame. As he puts weight onto it and stands, the Child Safety Gate gives a little against his baby mass. He lowers his left leg down, but as left foot touches the floor, his right foot slips and his left leg falls through the metal bed frame, trapping him. He tries to free himself for several minutes.
Gus: {Well, gentlemen, I seem to have encountered a bit of a kerfuffle.}
Ow-Woe: {There is little we can do for you at this juncture, young sire. You seem bent on injuring yourself in some way, or at least enraging the leader of your aerie}
Tigger: {Just call out to Christopher Robin again there, chum. He’s always good for a hand and a bit of milk extract.}
Gus sighs, works himself up for good measure: “DAAAADEEEEEEEE, DAADEEE!”
Brad opens the door and turns on the light.
Brad: “Seriously, Goose?” Brad lifts Gus out of the hole and puts him back in bed.
Brad eyes the gap between wall and gate for a moment, sighs, and then rearranges all the furniture in the room.
When Brad has finished, the bed is in the same place, but the rocking chair has moved into the far corner, and the dresser has been pushed away from the large opening for the bed, making for a very easy entrance –and exit—to the bed.
Brad: “There you go. Run yourself ragged.” Brad turns off the light and closes the door.
Gus: {Lads, could this possibly be some clever ruse meant to throw us off our game?}
Ow-Woe: {Perhaps you wore him down.}
Gus needs no more enticement. For the next 30 minutes his runs in circles around the floor of his room, pulls open drawers, dumps all his shoes on the floor, gets his coterie out of the bed and spreads them across the floor, pulls out every book in his room even though it is far too dark to read and he’s illiterate.
Finally, Gus: {Well, chaps, I believe I am a bit tuckered. I believe I’ll just close my eyes for second.} Gus lies down on the floor directly in front of the door, squirms around a bit more, and finally falls asleep.
Brad has been in the kitchen, watching the unfolding of the nap debacle, unable to fully relax or start really accomplishing anything due to Gus’s constant potential need for saving.
When Gus finally falls asleep, Brad exhales: “Thank the Good Lord.”
He starts to stand up, when he hears a door open down the hall. Thinking that somehow Gus has suddenly woken and learned to open doors, he glances at the baby monitor. Gus is still asleep on the floor.
From down the hall, Ruby: “Daddy, I’m awake!”
Brad falls back down into his chair, huffing, and wonders how much gypsies actually pay for small children.

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