Monday, June 17, 2013

The BabyShow: It's inappropriate to give the Look Of Doom to a toddler.

Players: Alex, Alex's Dad, Brad, Ruby
Location: Alex's living room.

Brad is standing in the living room talking to Alex's Dad when Alex comes running in, jumps up on the couch and stands next to his dad. There is a small, hushed exchange, then...

Alex's Dad: "Alex, is there something that you wanted to ask Mr. @Home?"
Alex stands on the couch and looks bashful: "Mr. @Home, I want to mawwy Wuby when I am a gwown-up man."
Brad crossed his arms and thinks for a moment: "What are you offering as dowry, Alex?"
Alex looks confused and glances at his dad.
Alex's Dad: "Well, I have an old pack-n-play we don't need, and I'm sure Alex could throw in his bike. It still has the training wheels on it."
Brad: "This is my only daughter, my eldest. I can't tell her mom I gave her away for a pack-n-play and a bike."
Alex: "I have gwahm cwackuhs!"
Alex's Dad: "That's right, we can throw in 3 boxes of graham crackers."
Brad: "I do love graham crackers."
Alex's Dad: "I also have a sword I can give you. It was an old birthday present, but my wife doesn't like having it in the house."
Brad's eyes light up, but before he can answer, Ruby runs into the room. Brad stops her.
Brad: "Ruby, Alex want's to marry you. What do you think about that?"
Ruby looks Alex over {His dad's a doctor and mom's a teacher, so he could be a smartie; If he takes after his dad, he could be taller than me; he's a middle child, so he should learn how to take orders; and he is a cutie.}
Ruby, who has been running through Alex's house all day like the Tasmanian Devil, is suddenly shy, standing with her head down and her finger in her mouth.
Brad narrows his eyes a little: "Well, Ruby, would you like to marry Alex?"
Ruby, coyly and a little breathy: "Yeah."
All thoughts of dowry fly out of his head and Brad has to remind himself that they are toddlers, which quiets the Over-Protective Mental Firestorm: "Well, Alex...when you get to be a grown-up man, talk it over with Ruby, and maybe you can ask me again."
Alex's Dad: "Is that okay, Alex?"
Alex nods and runs off to play.
Brad does some quick math, sighs, and discretely checks to see when his FOID expires.

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