Monday, June 3, 2013

The Baby Show: Sibling Rivalry

The Players: Brad, Gus, Ruby
Location: The Living Room.

Brad is sitting on the couch. The BabyShow is free-playing (ie Brad’s too lazy to have a plan at the moment.)
Gus toddles up to Brad: “BOOK.” 
{I find the cover of this book intriguing. Please read to me the contents} Gus hands Brad a book about baby animals.
Brad: “Okay, come on up.” 
Brad pulls Gus onto the couch beside him.
Gus: 
{OH, I’m sorry. You thought I wanted to sit next to you like some sort of stranger? I find that UNACCEPTABLE.} 
Gus pushes the book out of the way and plops himself down directly in Brad’s lap.
Brad: “Ruby, you want to read this book with us?”
Ruby: “No, I’m making tea for my friends for when they come over and we will go to the park and have tea and fix it with our Mousekehtools.”
Brad: “Okay.” 
Brad opens the book and begins reading: “’There are many types of Animals on the farm, and each farm is different; but if you visit a farm, these are some of the animals that you may see.’ Look, Gussie, that’s a Pig” 
Brad points at the pig: “Can you say Pig?” 
Gus: “PIG.” 
{I have accomplished your task, move along}
Ruby: “WAIT, I want to read this with you.” 
Ruby drops her teacup unceremoniously on the floor and sits on the couch next to Brad.
Gus looks at Ruby: 
{Welcome. I’d like you to note that I am sitting in a place of honor, while you are resigned to sit in the seat of strangers and vagabonds.}
Ruby: {Oh Yeah?} “Daddy, put your arm around me.” 
Brad puts his arm around Ruby. 
Ruby: “I like your arm around me cuz it’s warm and I like you.”
Brad: “Thank you, Sweetie, I like you too.”
Ruby to Gus: 
{NEENER NEENER NEENER}
Brad Continues to read: “’Sheep are a common sight on many farms. A baby sheep is called a Lamb.’ Gus, can you say lamb?”
Gus: “LAMMuh” to Ruby: 
{I’m BRILLIANT}
Ruby: “Lamb” to Gus: {but you talk like a BABEE}
Brad reads: “’Cows are one of the most common animals found at a farm. They come in many varieties.’ Gus, can you say Cow?’
Ruby, quickly. “Cow!” 
Gus, a little behind “CAHOWUH.” To Ruby: 
{Are you challenging me, madam?}
Ruby: {Oh, that would be TOTES unfair, you’re just a LITTLE BABY.}
Gus: 
{I SHALL CRUSH YOU!}
For the next few pages, Ruby soundly trounces Gus whenever Brad asks Gus to say the word. But suddenly we turn to the page with the Ostriches.
Brad: “Gus, can you say Ostrich”
Gus: “AWSTWIK.” 
{I AM VICTORIOUS! I VANQUISH ALL CHALLENGERS! TAKE THAT!}
Ruby is not paying attention; she is instead looking at the background of the Ostrich picture at the very fuzzy outline of a barn. 
Ruby: “Daddy, is that a train?”
Gus perks up: “Twain?”
 {There are trains in this book? Show me these trains.}
Brad: “No guys, that’s not a train. It’s the barn. There aren’t any trains in this book.” 
Brad turns the page.
Gus immediately points at the page “TWAIN!?”
 {Is that a train?}
Brad: “No, Gussie, that’s not a train. This page is about Horses. Can you say Horse?”
Ruby: “HORSE”
Gus: “TWAIN!!” 
{YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND. THE ONLY THING THAT COULD MAKE THIS BOOK BETTER WOULD BE TRAINS!}
Brad reads the page about horses, and turns to the next page, which is about Goats.
Gus points directly at an all-white goat with those crazy goat eyes: “TWAIN TWAIN TWAIN!” 
Brad: “Gus, that’s a GOAT. Can you say Goat?”
Gus starts slapping the page with his stubby toddler paws: 
{DON’T YOU SEE? The Animals are secondary, I see now that this book was always about the Hidden Trains.} To Ruby: {You tricked me. This whole time I thought we were having a battle of the wits, and instead you were just leading me astray so you could have all the trains to yourself. I WILL NEVER FORGIVE YOU}
Ruby: {You may be just a skosh cray-cray.}
Brad turns the page and begins reading, but Gus is having none of it. Several pages go by, with Ruby saying words that are now very easy for her, and Gus having vivid hallucinations about trains hiding behind ducks, geese, llamas, and chickens.
Finally we finish the last page and Brad closes the book.
Gus: “GEHN!” 
{We must return to the beginning. Obviously all the trains were hiding on the first few pages. START AGAIN!}
Ruby: “I wanna play Go-Fish”
Gus: 
{NO, I DENY YOU YOUR SATISFACTION. THERE WILL BE NO PEACE UNTIL I HAVE MY TRAINS!} 
Brad: “We could just read a book about trains.”
Gus grabs the animal book and shakes it 
{NO, that isn’t the same. I must find the trains in this book!}
Ruby: 
{rrriiiiggghhhttt. I’m outie} jumps off the couch and goes back to her tea set.
Gus throws his little baby body down on the couch: 
{All I want is baby animals and trains; The perfect book; Why does no one understand?} “Twains…”

(Original Post: 5/28/2013)


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