Thursday, March 13, 2014

The Baby Show: Important Part of a Healthy Breakfast

Players: Brad, Gus, Ruby
Location: Kitchen, Breakfast Time

After pouring cereal out for the kids, Brad begins making breakfast for The Wife and himself.
Gus mostly ignores his food and watches Brad turn the burner on under a tea kettle and pull out fixings for oatmeal.
Gus sees a bag of raisins come out of the cupboard: "DAT! Eye want sum ov DAT!" {See here, I do believe that the inclusion of that particular item will make my dining experience far more enjoyable. Bring it to me.}
Brad, who has been unable to speak for several days due to strained vocal chords, gives Gus one of the The Looks: Politeness
Gus sits back in his chair a bit as The Look rolls over him: “Peas?”
Brad smiles and nods, bringing over the bag of raisins and dropping a small handful into Gus’s cereal. Seeking to quell any possible eruptions, Brad does the same with Ruby’s cereal.
Brad turns to put the raisins away as Ruby eyes the lump of dried grapes now sitting atop her partially eaten cereal: “BUT DADDIE!” She glances back and forth between her food and her father. “I don’t want them.”
Brad reaches up and puts away the raisins, giving Ruby a quizzical glance over his shoulder.
Ruby: “I don’t want these raisins, they are making my food yucky.”
Brad turns, makes a sympathetic face, puts a loving hand on Ruby’s head. He points with the other and makes a scooping motion toward his mouth.
Ruby starts to flounce around in the partially kneeling position she regularly sits in: “NO, I don’t want them, they are yucky.”
Brad grabs the tablet computer and opens up an app. After a few moments of typing, Steven Hawking says: “But RooBee, You are ee-ting Ray Sin Bran.”
Ruby: “But these are different raisins, I don’t want them.”
Seeing that this is about to become A Thing, Brad randomly pulls  raisins out of Ruby’s cereal bowl. Once he has ten or so, he makes the ‘There you go’ gesture.
Ruby: “The yucky raisins are out now?”
Brad rolls his eyes, and simultaneously nods and shakes his head.
Ruby picks up her spoon and begins to eat; Brad pops the offensive raisins into his mouth.
As Brad turns back to the counter, Gus points at his bowl: “Eye don’t want them inn deh.”
Brad spins around dumbfounded and throws his hands up. He gives Ruby a ‘This is your fault’ look, which she doesn’t notice as she shovels raisin bran into her face. Brad picks out yet more random raisins, and is about to eat them when Gus points at the small pile of raisins in Brad’s hand.
Gus: “Eye want dem.” {Oh, you misunderstand. I want those raisins, just not in my cereal. THOSE are my special raisins. Hand them over.}
Brad sighs and drops them on the place mat. Gus reaches for them and shoves them all in his mouth simultaneously.
Brad gives Gus The Look:Politeness
Gus, mouthful of raisins: “Vnk Mnn.”

Friday, February 28, 2014

The Baby Show: Defending His Turf.

Players: Brad, Gus
Location: The hallway outside of Ruby's Gymnastics classroom.

After getting Ruby into her gymnastics class, Brad and Gus walk out into the long hallway.
Brad: "Gus, would you like to go into the waiting room or play in the hall.”
Gus barrels down the hallway at full toddler speed, “HALLWAY!”
Brad trails behind slowly as Gus sway-runs down the rather long hall to the emergency exit door on the far end. Gus looks out the door for a few minutes.
While Gus is considering making a break for it, another parent comes out into the hall to let her son, Morris, play.
Brad smiles at Morris’s mom, “Hi.”
She smiles back, “Hi.”
Having fulfilled their parent-social duties, both parents go back to watching their kids play.
Morris sees Gus at the end of the hall and toddles precariously in that direction.
Gus turns and, recognizing Morris from previous hall play, moves to intercept. Gus hugs Morris. Morris’s forehead bashes into Gus’s nose, cutting off the hug abruptly.
Gus: “Whet’s wun.”
Gus starts off. Morris picks this up quickly and starts after, although more slowly. Gus slows down to wait. Morris is at his full speed when he gets to Gus, and Gus can’t get back up to speed fast enough. Morris takes the lead.
Gus bounds after him with a grunt: {See here, lad. Do not mistake kindness for weakness. Having traversed the breadth of this aisle, I am the master of this domain. I lead.} Gus grabs the hood hanging from the back of Morris’s sweatshirt and pulls Morris back.
Morris rebounds as if he suddenly came to the end of his tether and plops suddenly back onto the floor.
Brad: “GUS! No. That’s not nice.” Brad grabs Gus and brings Gus face-to-face. “You could have hurt him. Be kind.” Brad looks up at Morris’s mom. “I’m so sorry.”
Morris’s mom says: “That’s okay.”
Brad hears “That’s 1.”
Brad: “Gus, say you’re sorry to Morris.”
Gus goes over to Morris and gives him an awkward toddler hug: “Saw-we, Moe-wis.” {My apologies, chap. I should have informed you of my dominance of this arena, given our previously established friendship. No hard feeling, eh?}
Morris bats impossibly long eyelashes at Gus and runs down the hall toward the entrance.
Gus follows.
As they get to the beginning of the hallway, a mother comes in with her two boys and stops to talk to another mother who has just finished dropping her daughter off at gymnastics.
Gus’s run turns into a domineering strut. He approaches the two boys, coming up to only their chins.
Gus: {KNAVES! You think you can saunter in out of cold and lay claim to my dominion?} “NO!” Gus slaps the first boy on the chest with all his toddler might. The majority of the impact is diffused by the boys bulbous winter coat – the modern equivalent of child armor.
Without a moment to spare, Gus turns to the other boy: {Don’t think I am afraid of you either, sirrah. I may be outnumbered, but I am a man of will and passion!} Gus slaps the other boy on the chest as well.
Brad grabs Gus by the armpit and drags him over to the side: “What are you doing? You do NOT hit. Do you understand me?”
Gus: “Yeah.”
Meanwhile, the first boy comes calmly over to Gus: “I didn’t like that you did that.”
Brad: “Gus, say you’re sorry.”
Gus: “I’m saw-we.”
Brad, to the boys’ mother, “I’m sorry about that.”
She smiles, “They’re boys. It happens.
Brad smiles back and refrains from mentioning that Gus probably learned this from his sister.