Friday, October 14, 2011

Sensitive Geek MAN: a million miles per hour

There are some that would call me careless.

I am not saying that there isn't some amount of carelessness in my life. I am sure that most people suffer from that occasionally. I try to limit the actual carelessness as much as I can, but the problem with carelessness is that you don't notice when you are doing it most of the time.

I feel like I may have an expanded issue with carelessness. I have ADHD. To clarify, I don't mean that I am like those poor over-medicated children who could control their issues with a diet changes, or some allergy meds, or that don't actually have an issues and are just kids. I have a chemical issue in my brain that actually produces hyperactivity and a certain amount of attention deficit. I say a certain amount because their are things that I could do to limit its effects, like watch my diet, exercise, deal with my allergies, that sort of thing. However, the big difference between someone like me and what I believe is the majority of people who are diagnosed with ADD is that even if I did those things, it won't complete erase the issue. Also, a lot of the ADD kids will grow out of it. I didn't and won't.

I should quickly say that I do not see this as an excuse for bad or irresponsible behavior. It isn't 'just the way I am.' I believe that I have an issue that has a physical component that I can't do anything about, but I can do something about how I deal with it. Everyone has something they have to deal with. Responsible people don't complain about it or use it as an excuse for bad behavior. They suck it up and do their best to deal with it, and they apologize for their failures.

Anyway, one of the big things that it seems to enhance is carelessness. I spill things on myself a lot, often even when I think I am being careful. I put things down convinced I will remember where they are, and of course I don't. Trying to find my glasses is a regular ritual at my house. I have regular habits that I have taught myself for the regular things, and that usually helps there, but anything new or that doesn't occur on a regular basis could get caught up in the whirlwind.

Again, I really try not to make excuses for forgetting these things, and I usually feel pretty bad when my forgetfulness affects other people negatively. I am not asking anyone to just sweep it under the rug. I promise, it isn't personal, it isn't that I don't care about YOU, i would forget this thing even if you weren't there. Again, not an excuse, I want to get better at it. I want to be able to explain it, but it is hard because I don't know how it is for others.

I suppose one way of explaining it is that my brain moves faster than my mind a lot of the time. Unless I have built in the habit of stopping to make myself think, the brain just kind of runs. All the time. If I am conscious, there really is never a break.

it's sort of like this:

Brain: Open door, set down keys, take off coat, set down bag, get something to eat.
Mind: WAIT! you didn't put your keys on the hook, go back.
Brain: ARG, I hate you, Fine, back to the hook, keys, EATING NOW.
Mind: OK, calm down. Hey, we just used the last paper towel, we should go change those.
Brain: can't talk, eating.
Mind: Seriously? you eat and talk all the time, why is now different? just go downstairs and get a roll of paper towels.
Brain: I want to change first. *starts moving toward the bedroom.
Mind: No, don't. We will forget! You'll get all caught up in something and I'll be too busy trying to keep up with you and it won't get done. DO IT NOW!
Brain: can't talk, changing.
Mind: Put on the dingy pants, we need to go mow the yard.
Brain: Right, bad pants. Lawn, get music.
Mind: Dude, put on a shirt.
Brain: Right, dingy shirt.
Mind: Hey, you figured that out on your own. Sweet. Is our MP3 player charged, Yes? good. Ok, put on shoes.
Brain: Shoes.
Mind: I feel like we are forgetting something.
Brain: Can't talk, shoes.

That's sort of what it's like.

1 comment:

  1. Your brain and your mind sound a lot like most of the marriages I know.