The Renewing Mind: Money for Nothin

I am not a financial genius.

I would say that I do average at watching my finances. I am able to tithe, able to save some money, pay my bills, and have a little fun. That was great when I was single.  When I got married, we started trying to be a little more intentional about our money, but it usually ended poorly. Since it is exponentially harder to be aware of 2 people's finances at the same time, we eventually settled into a more advanced version of what I had been doing before.

Now we are having kids. It just seemed that we really needed to get a handle on what was happening with our money. So last night, 2 friends of ours from church who are also financial planners came over to talk to us about it. They made things very easy, gave us a little homework to do, and got us thinking in the right direction. The thing I realized after we talked was that I should have done something like this 15 years ago.  I had this mindset that paying too much attention to my money was somehow sinful, that it meant I was putting money before God. Now I realize that I oversimplified it. Being responsible with the gifts you are given is very biblical.

So, my suggestion to any one who hasn't figured out what your money is doing, figure it out. If you aren't good with finances, that's fine. Find someone to help you. I can recommend some people. If you feel like you don't make or have enough money to make it worthwhile, you're wrong.

The Renewing Mind/Sensitive Geek MAN: Marriage Works

I haven't been married that long in the grand scheme of things, so I am not sure my advice on the matter is fully vested. However, having been married as long as I have (and also having dated a decent but not overwhelming number of women before I got married) I have come to a few conclusions.

I am going to share one now.

When you are young, you think of all of these things you want in a spouse: the movies they like, the sorts of things you will do together, the books they read, whether they like the outdoors, what music they listen to, whether they like to dance, if you have things in common, blah blah blah.

There is really only 2 things you need to make a marriage work.

1. A spouse that doesn't believe in divorce no matter what.
2. A spouse that will work things through with you no matter how long it takes.

Now, those of you who read this blog or know me are probably surprised I didn't say that one of the things you need is Jesus Christ. Well, I am sure there are people in the world who have functional marriages and don't know The Lord. However, I do believe that knowing and following Jesus is the most important thing you can have in common and for me it was a non-negotiable. Also, if you both know Jesus you should automatically get those other 2 things as well as a good slew of other things that will help.

Anyway, if you have the above 2 things, it is very possible to make a marriage work, and marriage is hard work--don't believe anyone who says otherwise. If you go into your marriage thinking it is going to be always fun and romantic and light and wonderful, you are in for a rude awakening and possibly divorce (unless you also have those above 2 things and/or Jesus.) Marriage is work even for the best couples. There will be times you don't want to work, that you wonder why you got married, that you wonder what the other person could possibly see in you, but you can get through it. When you make it through those sorts of trials, you get something wonderful: a relationship where you can trust the other person unreservedly, because they have proven they will always be there, supporting you even when they don't feel like it and loving you even when they don't like you.

So, this is a message to my wife: When I said I would go where you go and stay where you stay, I meant it. I love you even when we are making each other crazy. We have good times and bad, but the important thing is that we have Jesus and each other.

Sensitive Geek MAN: Re-Purposing

I do this sort of 'Recycling' where I keep things I think I can use again. For Example, we recently pulled down a shed in our back yard that was shoddily made by (we assume) the previous owner. I threw a much of it away, as it was not really re-usable; but I kept any wood, screws, nails, siding, etc. that was still in fairly working order. I put them in jars or up in the garage so that I can use them for projects later.

I am pretty sure this practice drives my wife insane, at least with the big things, like wood. Mostly because I can't always explain well why I want to keep it and it takes up room. The reason i can't explain it is because I only have an idea of how to use this stuff again, not a specific plan. With screws, that's not a big deal, but when you are keeping 12x5 sheets of particle board and plywood, it is nice to have a real plan for it. I have ideas for a garden I want to create and the new shed next spring, and I look at those pieces of wood and can just see that they can be useful. Sometimes I'm right. Sometimes I end up throwing them out a month later once I've had a real chance to think about it.

I don't argue that I need to be a little more discerning about what I choose to keep, but I think overall it isn't a bad mindset. I feel like our culture has gone way too far into the one-use/disposable mindset. We talk about how recycling is great and we should all do it, but we only do it for things that are easily recyclable, things we can just throw into a special trash can and someone takes care of for us. I also am not endorsing hoarding. There are things that should be thrown away when they have served their purpose, as well as things that should never really be purchased at all. I just think that most of us could be a bit more conscious on how things can be practically re-purposed.

The Renewing Mind: That Restless Evil

It is so hard to keep my mouth shut. I struggle with it almost all the time.

When I am at work, I am gossiping or complaining about something far more often than I would like. The environment encourages it and if I am not constantly on guard I get caught up in it. It is especially bad if I am having a bad day.

When I am at home, it is a bit better as long as my wife and I are getting along. If we aren't, then it is a constant fight to keep the things that are going through my head from coming out of my mouth. Occasionally, I lose. I don't really mean them, I just get riled up and come up with the worst things.

The Bible isn't kidding when it says that the tongue is a restless evil. I realize that all these thoughts occur in my brain or mind, but as long as they stay up there then i have the chance to work through them and repent on my own. Once my tongue blurts them out, I enter into a whole new realm.

I believe that I have gotten better at controlling my tongue over the years, but I still struggle with it. I get frustrated that I think of these things at all. I cringe whenever something horrible moves through my head and presses against my teeth. I usually am able to keep it from escaping, but it is somewhat discouraging that my brain even creates them.

Luckily, sanctification is a progression. It is a slow process that doesn't end until we are all dead; the trick is learning to be thankful for even the tiniest bit of progress. Every little victory is Jesus working in our lives. They are all small proofs of the Spirit moving through us and methodically destroying the places sin had a hold on us. And that frees our tongues for far better endeavors, like worship.

Sensitive Geek MAN: Breaking the Rules

today I was waiting for train. Most of the people group up, waiting for the doors to open. It creates a bit of a back up, and does make it a bit hard for people on the platform to get by if they need to.

But then someone passes me on the right by walking on a different set of tracks.

This bothers me on several levels. First, there are signs all over that say not to step off the platform onto the tracks for any reason. It is potentially dangerous, although I admit that it would be hard to miss a train coming in to the station and get hit while doing this. Second, apparently this guy thinks that, because he is being inconvenienced, he gets to do whatever he wants to get himself in a better position. It doesn't matter that the rest of us are waiting and are actually abiding by the rules of the train station. This arouses in me the almost the same ire as if someone cut in line in front of me.

Now, I am not against rule breaking in general. Many of our technological marvels wouldn't exist if someone hadn't been willing to break some rules. However, that is not the same as someone who cuts in line. There are a few universal rules that we all have to suffer under and waiting in line is a fundamental one. We all have to do it, and it is rude to assume that you have some sort of right to get around it that doesn't apply to the rest of us.

Now, you might be thinking 'well, maybe we could ALL not stand in line.' I think that is obviously the way to chaos.

Creative people don't break the old rules, they come up with new rules that make the old ones obsolete.  Maybe think about it like this: Innovators don't cut in front of others in the current line, they create a new, better line.

Like the line for the new iPhone.

Sensitive Geek MAN: Dumb and Dumber

I am occasionally concerned that we are getting stupider as a species.

I don't mean that we are getting less capable of learning or knowing things, or even that we are getting less knowledgeable as a species. I think most people would agree that we have an immense amount of information available to us, more than any single person could ever know. Also, there are obviously a group of people that is very knowledgeable and good at applying that knowledge, since we have been having various technological advancements over the last 100 years.

I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about the continuing educational process and the application of knowledge in a beneficial manner.

We may be gaining knowledge, but we are losing intelligence, we are losing wisdom, we are losing smarts.

Not only that, we are glorying in our stupidity. Just turn on TV. Watch any of a number of reality shows. Jersey Shore seems an excellent example. The popularity of that show is frightening. Shows like Big Brother teach us that it's OK to treat other people like crap to get what we want. That shows a lack of wisdom in how to deal with others both shrewdly and kindly.

I am not slamming TV, I think there are many shows that have a great ability to teach intelligence and wisdom. However, the popularity of those shows is very telling.

Mostly, I think our laziness and selfishness gets in the way. It's less taxing to be stupid and rude, and unfortunately there aren't always immediate consequences. And while there may be long term consequences, we may not put all the pieces together to realize what caused those consequences, because we are dumb and in denial.

Everyone does this. It is a failing of the super-educated as well as everyone else. Our current world-wide financial issues are a good example. Significant lack of wisdom there, as well as a huge dose of selfishness.

Historically, whenever this sort of thing started happening in a culture, that culture fell shortly thereafter. There have been multiple things written on it, and the Roman Empire is an excellent example. They got greedy, lazy, and stupid, then their whole society caved in.

So, don't revel in dumbness. Fight it, help others fight it. It can come to no lasting good.

Although it may get you a TV show.

The Renewing Mind: Borderline, think that I'm going to lose my mind.

The problem with setting boundaries is that you have to be willing to enforce them.

Things have been crazy around work lately. Basically, there is too much to do and not enough time to do it. The reasons for this aside, I have found a few times when I have had to enforce boundaries in the work place in regard to how much work I am expected to do. It has gone well and people seem to be understanding, but it is an uncomfortable position to be in.

How do I explain that there are more important things to me than my job? I'm not saying that my job doesn't have some importance, but not as much as God or Church or my family. When I am done at work, I want to be able to enjoy and participate in the things I think are really important. So I end up having to enforce boundaries.

And it isn't just at work. I have boundary enforcing issues all over the place. I am a recovering People Pleaser, and it feels very uncomfortable for me to say no, or to tell someone that I don't want to do something for them, or to tell someone when I've been hurt; even when my saying those things is warranted. There is a part of me that is convinced it is selfish. When I look at the Bible, I see verses expressing that we should go out of our way to be helpful, that we should let ourselves be inconvenienced in order to serve others. So I get uncomfortable when I say no, or take time for myself.


Part of the reason I struggle is because I know that a portion of my motivation to be better about my boundaries comes from arrogance and vindictiveness. I have this horrible idea that I am constantly the one who is having to be inconvenienced, or having to sacrifice, but that it isn't returned. There are many reasons that I believe cause this way of thinking, and many reasons this way of thinking bothers me; but the main 2 are that, first, it most likely isn't true. I am sure people in my life do things all the time and I am just too self-absorbed to notice. Second--and more importantly--there is no where in the biblical narrative that says "help people out until you get tired of it or until you feel you are being abused." Jesus got tired, Jesus was severely abused till he died! There are many other biblical incidents of Godly people being abused but still be required to serve. I have no excuse.


It's getting better. Maybe I just need a vacation.
I still feel there must be a good way to have some boundaries. Perhaps there will be more on that tomorrow.

Sensitive Geek MAN: Words are weapons, sharper than knives

it seems that a large section of my brain power is used to determine and remember when to keep my stupid mouth shut.

There is a part of me that envies the people who don't think or care about what they say or how they say it. I see that and, while I am somewhat repulsed, I also am fascinated by the apparent freedom they feel to just speak their mind. I am often so exhausted just by constantly editing that the thought of being able to stop is very attractive.

Now, some of you who know me are saying, "you edit? I couldn't tell."  Let me assure you, YES I edit. A lot, constantly. So the next time I say something crazy, keep in mind that whatever I said was the edited version.

As freeing as being able to say anything that comes through my head or that I am feeling at that moment would seem, I can't do it.  First, whenever I see someone behave that way, I am instantly repulsed by their complete lack of regard for others. Make no mistake, people who do not consider their words and put the entire onus on others to translate and edit for them are selfish. While I agree that there is some responsibility on the part of the hearer to work at understanding and not overreacting, there is also a responsibility on the part of the speaker to be understood in a helpful way. People who refuse to consider their words are either arrogant or lazy, and people who claim to do so and still say needlessly harmful things are at best deluded or ignorant, and at worst are cruel.

Those of you who disagree, consider this: when one reads a book, there is an expectation that the writer will convey his meaning and intentions, as well as the story, in an understandable and engaging manner. If the author does not, it can result in an annoyed, perhaps even insulted, reader. The purpose of the writing is lost.

We are all the authors of everything that comes out of our mouth. The same rules apply.

Also, whenever I speak, I find that it makes whatever I am speaking about more real. When something is still in my head, I can try to argue against it, calm myself if need be. Eventually I may be able to alter or change it as needed. Also, it gives me a chance to actually test my thought veracity before acting.
Once I speak, my thoughts become more real. I find that I become more committed to them; I become more emotional and animated; my belief in what I am saying increases--whether it is actually true or not. Words are commitment. Words have power.

While i agree that in most cases, 'actions speak louder than words,' words speak pretty loudly. They are the first true indication of the character of the speaker.