Before Brad@Home: Due to Care of Tiny Humans

The threat of becoming partially responsible for the care and development of a tiny human drove me to consider a career change.

Initially, all I was looking for was something that would give us more flexibility in regards to our family. My wife and I both worked full-time and have a mortgage to pay. We discussed the option of one of us staying home. I will admit that I wanted to--intensely--but offered the option to my wife. She was not sure she wanted to leave the working world; she is far more skilled at navigating and succeeding there than I. She is a hardworking, capable, intelligent woman who has an excellent ability to problem solve. She also has a much better background for business life.

I still wanted to leave the door open to either of us, as opportunity arose, but after looking into our finances a bit, we determined that one of us not working was simply not feasible, at least not anytime soon. So other options needed to be considered.

My wife really liked her job, and I didn't want her to have to leave it, also my work situation was far from ideal at the time; so I went out to find some sort of occupation that would pay similarly to what I was currently making but give me more time at home.

Firefighting is something that had been coming up in my life over the last 15 years. Out of college, a friend of mine had suggested it as an option, when we were trying to figure out what to do with ourselves. I had looked into it then, but didn't feel capable of pursuing it due to some knee issues I was having. Within the last few years, I had a friend who was pursuing firefighting himself and often confided in me on his progress. So it wasn't strange that Firefighting came into my head as a possible choice.

My wife and I talked about it. It made similar enough income to what I currently made, and would allow me to be at home during daytime hours on a more consistent basis. Also, it really appealed to my sense of learning and adventure. 

My wife was understandably hesitant. Firefighting is dangerous and we were about to have a family. After some more discussion, she decided that, if it were the Lord's will to get me this job, He would also protect me.

With that, I began doing in-depth research on what it would take to become a Illinois Firefighter.

Before Brad@Home: Monkey in a Diaper

The news of my wife's pregnancy was a joyous and blessed occasion which I ruined.

When my wife's belly appeared on the screen, I gaped like a lobotomy patient. The sun was just rising, and I had (despite my preparation) a mildly plane hangover. Also, as our baby plans were still officially a year or so off, I wasn't quite prepared.

I moment passed as I thought, "Is that monkey in a diaper?"

My coffee hadn't taken effect really either.

Once the caffeine hit the cortex, I believe the conversation went something like this:

Blinking into the computer with dawning comprehension, I said "Wait...really?"

My wife's head drops into frame, the head of the baby-picture is still visible. "Yeah, I found out last night and the doctor confirmed it this morning."

"Uh, wow."

My wife is beaming, "Yeah, pretty crazy, huh?

"Yeah, how does this affect your blood clot situation?"

A few months before, we'd done a sprint-length triathlon and she had started to feel lethargic and odd. She pushed through it and finished the race, but it was strangely hard for her--considering that she had done 2 other such triathlons over the last few years and had no such issue. When the feeling didn't pass, she began what would be a series of pokes and prods from doctors, and various MRIs to discover that she had a small battalion of blood clots in both of her legs. She had no history of blood clots up until this point. See, my wife had been taking a medication called YAZ, which seems to have a few unfortunate and seriously intense side-effects. There are currently multiple lawsuits pending. 

They found the majority in her upper legs and thighs, but dozens of little dots showed up in her lungs as well. We were told that her lungs were taking care of it so far, breaking down the clots before they could become a big problem.
He put her on medication and explicitly warned us that the medication my wife was taking was very bad for pregnancies. We assured him at the time that we had no immediate plans to have kids.

So, in regards to the baby news I was hearing, it was definitely something that needed to be discussed, but as I watched the excited light slowly dim in my wife's eyes over the wonders of the Internet, it occurred to me that I could have waited a bit before bringing it up.

When I say it occurred to me, I mean days later. In the moment, I kept pushing. 

She had stopped taking the original medication and the doctor was going to give her a new one that was safer. Over the next few days she had some tests done to confirm that the Christ had shielded us and the baby was Okay. The only issue was that the only medication that could treat dangerous "deep vein thrombosis" (blood clots in her legs) and not harm the baby were injections that had to be given in the stomach twice a day.

So we began our new, grand adventure: One of us on the other side of the world, the other jabbing sharp metal into her abdomen.

The Renewing Mind: the Lord loves wondrous variety

sometimes I feel I have to make myself more palatable for public consumption.

I tend to like things that the average person does not like, and in fact looks down on in some way. I also tend to believe things that the average person does not believe, and may in fact be offended by. Both of these things cause me to, at times, avoid conversations that may bring up the topics that illicit judgement or offense.

It bothers me that I do this, both because I feel that I should be ok with who I am and what I like and also because I feel that other people should wait on judgement until all the facts are in. The games I play, the movies I watch, the books I read should not really inform a negative opinion, as they have little impact in how I relate to others.

On the other hand, i know that there has been may a time that I have missed an opportunity to share the Gospel with someone because I am too afraid of what they may think. Sometimes it is because I work with the person and I don't want to make our working relationship awkward, sometimes it is just that I am a coward who wants people to like me. Either way it is unacceptable.

The whole thing is unacceptable. If the Lord is honored, if sin is absent, then no apologies should be made.

The Renewing Mind: Money for Nothin

I am not a financial genius.

I would say that I do average at watching my finances. I am able to tithe, able to save some money, pay my bills, and have a little fun. That was great when I was single.  When I got married, we started trying to be a little more intentional about our money, but it usually ended poorly. Since it is exponentially harder to be aware of 2 people's finances at the same time, we eventually settled into a more advanced version of what I had been doing before.

Now we are having kids. It just seemed that we really needed to get a handle on what was happening with our money. So last night, 2 friends of ours from church who are also financial planners came over to talk to us about it. They made things very easy, gave us a little homework to do, and got us thinking in the right direction. The thing I realized after we talked was that I should have done something like this 15 years ago.  I had this mindset that paying too much attention to my money was somehow sinful, that it meant I was putting money before God. Now I realize that I oversimplified it. Being responsible with the gifts you are given is very biblical.

So, my suggestion to any one who hasn't figured out what your money is doing, figure it out. If you aren't good with finances, that's fine. Find someone to help you. I can recommend some people. If you feel like you don't make or have enough money to make it worthwhile, you're wrong.

The Renewing Mind: A lapse in Vigilance

Yesterday I didn't post. It is the first real one that I have missed since I started this, 56 days ago.

As far as runs go, I think that is pretty good, but I still am a little peeved about the lapse. I think mostly it's because I don't really have a great reason for missing it. I just got caught up in other things and forgot. No good reason, just a little bit of absent-mindedness.

I think that is how sin usually makes it into our lives as well. Sure, there might be the one or two big things that you struggle with, the epic, titanic battles; but mostly, I feel like sin sneaks in when we are distracted by other things. It sneaks into the tone of voice I use when I am talking to someone, or into how I drive when I am rocking out, or how my pride peaks out when I am unconsciously judging people on TV. It is an insidious, evil ninja: if there is anyway to get in an mess up your life, it will find it.

Which is why we need to be ridiculously vigilant and why grace is so important. Grace forgives all the sin we have in our lives, even when--especially when--we don't know it's there. It frees us up to be vigilant about what we can see through the power of faith in Christ.

So, I'm not going to be too on myself for missing a day. I'll just start over and keep writing and hope that I slowly get better at it and that my progress somehow helps out someone else.

The Renewing Mind/Sensitive Geek MAN: Marriage Works

I haven't been married that long in the grand scheme of things, so I am not sure my advice on the matter is fully vested. However, having been married as long as I have (and also having dated a decent but not overwhelming number of women before I got married) I have come to a few conclusions.

I am going to share one now.

When you are young, you think of all of these things you want in a spouse: the movies they like, the sorts of things you will do together, the books they read, whether they like the outdoors, what music they listen to, whether they like to dance, if you have things in common, blah blah blah.

There is really only 2 things you need to make a marriage work.

1. A spouse that doesn't believe in divorce no matter what.
2. A spouse that will work things through with you no matter how long it takes.

Now, those of you who read this blog or know me are probably surprised I didn't say that one of the things you need is Jesus Christ. Well, I am sure there are people in the world who have functional marriages and don't know The Lord. However, I do believe that knowing and following Jesus is the most important thing you can have in common and for me it was a non-negotiable. Also, if you both know Jesus you should automatically get those other 2 things as well as a good slew of other things that will help.

Anyway, if you have the above 2 things, it is very possible to make a marriage work, and marriage is hard work--don't believe anyone who says otherwise. If you go into your marriage thinking it is going to be always fun and romantic and light and wonderful, you are in for a rude awakening and possibly divorce (unless you also have those above 2 things and/or Jesus.) Marriage is work even for the best couples. There will be times you don't want to work, that you wonder why you got married, that you wonder what the other person could possibly see in you, but you can get through it. When you make it through those sorts of trials, you get something wonderful: a relationship where you can trust the other person unreservedly, because they have proven they will always be there, supporting you even when they don't feel like it and loving you even when they don't like you.

So, this is a message to my wife: When I said I would go where you go and stay where you stay, I meant it. I love you even when we are making each other crazy. We have good times and bad, but the important thing is that we have Jesus and each other.

The Renewing Mind: A Somehow Pleasing Pain

Being a Christian is funny.

I'm encouraged by things that are actually pointing out how sinful I really am. How often does that happen. that you are really truly uplifted by criticisms? We claim all the time that we want constructive criticism, but how often are you really happy about receiving it?  I think deep down we say we want criticism, but we really want people to just tell us how well we are doing and how awesome we are.

Which is why it is odd when, sitting in church listening to my (in my opinion) brilliant pastor, I feel really convicted by what he is sharing with us and I really like it. I think this happens for 2 reasons.

First, when I feel conviction and see a place in my life that I need to give more to Christ, I have a chance to really let Him into my life more, which is exciting. I know it will be work and it won't always be fun, but because I love Him I know that ultimately it will be for the best, and that excites me.

Second, when I feel convicted it reminds me that my soul has been made alive in Christ. Before I was caught up in the divine grip of grace, my soul would never have felt anything at a sermon of this sort. I was deadened to this sort of stimulus. That I feel it know, can see it working in me, even if it is a slow process, gives me such joy. It is a proof that Christ is in me and I in Him. Anything that reminds me of that can't be something to be sorrowful about, no matter how harsh the criticism.

That's the peculiarity of a life in Christ: Pain is made a joyous experience, wisdom is seen in foolishness, strength is shown through weakness.

The Renewing Mind: All Souls Day

Today is the Catholic Celebration of All Souls Day.

I am not Catholic, was not raised Catholic, so I may not completely understand what this day is all about; but from what I understand this day is meant for the remembrance of those souls who are being prepared for heaven through purgatory. The idea is that the 'faithful departed' who have not been fully cleansed because of venal sins or some such are having their final sins worked out in purgatory. This day is in remembrance of them.

To the best of my knowledge, there is no real biblical passage that proves their is such a place as purgatory. My understanding is that is a Catholic tradition more than a scriptural doctrine, although I am sure there are some scriptures that can be taken out of context to support purgatory.

The bigger issue in my mind is that the concept of purgatory weakens the power of Christ. If there are people who, while believing in Christ and trusting Him for their salvation, still are not allowed into heaven because they where not fully cleansed, that demeans the power of Christ to save the lost. It implies that there is something we must do in regards to our salvation other than have faith and that our actions after we have come to Christ can actually dull Christ's salvific work.

Ephesians says:
But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, ⁵ made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions—it is by grace you have been saved. ⁶ And God raised us up with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms in Christ Jesus, ⁷ in order that in the coming ages he might show the incomparable riches of his grace, expressed in his kindness to us in Christ Jesus. ⁸ For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— ⁹ not by works, so that no one can boast.

This makes it very clear that there is nothing we do that saves us. From the perspective of making us right for heaven, our actions have no influence in our attainment of heaven.

The confusion may come in the Epistle of James, where he says "What doth it profit, my brethren, though a man say he hath faith, and have not works? can faith save him?” –James 2:14
He goes on to say "Yea, a man may say, Thou hast faith, and I have works: shew me thy faith without thy works, and I will shew thee my faith by my works.” –James 2:18

James is not saying that your works save you or even have any influence in the salvation offered by Christ. He is saying that a true faith in Christ will overflow out of a believer, causing them to go spread the message of Christ through good done to others.

 That being said, All Soul's Day, in it's strictest sense, celebrate nothing. Anyone who has died in Christ attains heaven without further issue.

If we take All Soul's Day a little less literally, it is a sad day of remembering those who died without the saving power of Christ in their lives.

The Renewing Mind: All Saints Day

Today is All Saints Day, the day that when the Catholic Church (and possible some liturgical protestants churches) celebrate those who have attained entrance to heaven.

Not growing up in the Catholic tradition, I am not sure how the celebration of this day actually occurs, but I like the idea in general. I think it is a good idea to think on those who have gone before, those who set an example for us as we live out our lives here on Earth.

However, it occurs to me that we could just as easily recognize this day as a celebration of Jesus's triumph in our own lives. Those of us who are in Christ are already a new creation, even though we struggle with flesh. We have, in a sense, already achieved heaven. Since our eternity is already secured, I think that entitles us to celebrate on this day, but our celebration should be one that looks to Christ's justification in our lives, not anything that we have done.

So happy All Saints Day, ye saints of the Lord.

The Renewing Mind: Things that need to change.

The way I show my love for God
The way I show my love for my family
The way I think about the work I do
The way I feel about my job
The way I eat
The way I take care of myself
The way I treat my friends
The way I treat my cat
The regularity with which I clean
The way I drive
The way I react to how others drive
The choices I make in regard to how I consume entertainment
the way I play games
They way I react to how you play games
The way i think about money
The way I feel about money
The way i spend money
the way I talk to my wife about money
the way I talk to my wife
the way I talk
how I think about my place in society
how much I contribute to the betterment of society
how much time I spend on relatively unimportant things
how often I cook
how often I put something off because I assume someone else will do it
how often I don't get involved because I don't think it is any of my business
how often I don't get involved because I don't care
how I treat people when I finally do get involved
how often I call my parents
how often I call my friends
how often I pray
how I pray
how I worship
how often I worship
how often I phone it in
how often I overreact
how often I take things out on you
how often I let you take things out on me
how I want what you have
how I want you to want what I have
how I feel about the things that I have
how I think about the things that I have
how ungrateful i am about the things I've been given
how ungracious I am about the things I have to give
how useless I sometimes feel
how prideful I am
how selfish I am
how we think about each other
how we think about where we live
how we think about what we do
how little thought we give to the state of our souls
how little thanks we give to God for His inexpressible gift.

The Renewing Mind: The Means Justified.

There are two statements that I tend to put together.  Whenever I hear one, I think of the other. They are:

Life is a journey, not a destination
&
The ends justify the means.

I take issue with both of these statements. First, while I agree that life is a journey, that journey is all about the destination. The journey has little meaning and usefulness if there isn't a destination one wishes to reach. Wandering can be fun for a time, but a wandering life will still end in a destination, just one that the wanderer didn't choose.

The second statement is trickier. In general, I disagree with it. I do not believe that a beneficial end justifies diabolical means. In day-to-day life, you can't do dishonest, horrible things and simply argue that it was for a good outcome. However, when I think of eternity with God as the end, then suddenly I think that any means would be justified. First, that end is such a grand ending that suffering any means would be worth the cost. However, only one means leads to that end, and that means is through justification by Christ.

Life is a journey. If that journey is a justified one, then the end is a magnificent eternity.

The Renewing Mind/Sensitive Geek MAN: Practical Skills for the Apocalypse

I believe I have mentioned previously that I don't believe in the Rapture, at least not the concept of a Pre-Trib Rapture. Unfortunately, the argument that was made by a college professor of mine that convinced me to change my mind to Post-Trib has made its way out of my head, I just remember that it was very convincing. We aren't discussing the merits of either belief. I'm just sharing what my belief has done to the way I think about things.

To make sure everyone is on the same page, I will briefly describe the idea of The Rapture. When the end of the world gets much closer, there will be a period of time that Christians call The Tribulation. This is the time right before the Lord returns that will be full of turmoil, rampant sin, and the AntiChrist, along with other things. The Rapture is the idea that Jesus will call any believers to Him to be transformed before the very end.  Pre-Tribulation Rapture--which is by far the prevailing belief in Evangelical circles--states that Jesus will return before the Tribulation, so that Christians will be spared from it. I believe that Christians will be present for the Tribulation.

I am somewhat embarrassed to admit that this influences my way of thinking. There are a handful of things I have become interested in that I know a great deal of my interest lies in how they will help me and the people I care about survive the Tribulation. Blacksmithing is a good example. Martial Arts is another. I suppose I assume that many Christians will have to flee civilization and eek out a living in the wild. I just want to make sure I have at least some rudimentary skills that can contribute to that cause.

Since high school, I have always enjoyed the outdoors and 'roughing it' sort of activities, even before I changed to a Post-Trib mindset. When I was young, I had this idea that I would work in a National Park as a guide or on the Search & Rescue Team during the summer, and on the Ski Patrol or teaching Ski School during the winter. I still sort of miss that I didn't go for that, and I am a bit envious when I hear of people who live that sort of life.

So, I do actively pursue skills I think will help me while the world is ending, but I also enjoy them for themselves. It's just that claiming I'm preparing for some great cataclysm gives those pursuits a bit more practicality than they would otherwise have.

Which is the argument I use on my wife whenever I go off to learn some new crazy thing.

The Renewing Mind: That Restless Evil

It is so hard to keep my mouth shut. I struggle with it almost all the time.

When I am at work, I am gossiping or complaining about something far more often than I would like. The environment encourages it and if I am not constantly on guard I get caught up in it. It is especially bad if I am having a bad day.

When I am at home, it is a bit better as long as my wife and I are getting along. If we aren't, then it is a constant fight to keep the things that are going through my head from coming out of my mouth. Occasionally, I lose. I don't really mean them, I just get riled up and come up with the worst things.

The Bible isn't kidding when it says that the tongue is a restless evil. I realize that all these thoughts occur in my brain or mind, but as long as they stay up there then i have the chance to work through them and repent on my own. Once my tongue blurts them out, I enter into a whole new realm.

I believe that I have gotten better at controlling my tongue over the years, but I still struggle with it. I get frustrated that I think of these things at all. I cringe whenever something horrible moves through my head and presses against my teeth. I usually am able to keep it from escaping, but it is somewhat discouraging that my brain even creates them.

Luckily, sanctification is a progression. It is a slow process that doesn't end until we are all dead; the trick is learning to be thankful for even the tiniest bit of progress. Every little victory is Jesus working in our lives. They are all small proofs of the Spirit moving through us and methodically destroying the places sin had a hold on us. And that frees our tongues for far better endeavors, like worship.

The Renewing Mind: Quitters

I don't see myself as a quitter, so occasional I struggle with leaving someone or something, even if the reason seems good and valid.

How does one determine when the appropriate amount of time and effort has been put into an unresolved endeavor or fruitless situation before being able to responsibly say 'it is time to put this aside?'

Unfortunately, I think that each situation requires scrutiny and that there is no complete answer. There are situations that one could and even should stop almost immediately; and there are trials that one can never stop, no matter how painful or frustrating they become.

Pain is not a reason by itself to stop a course of action, but it is something that should make you ask questions. If your ankle begins hurting when running, you slow down, assess what is causing the pain. Maybe you stop for the day, but you don't give up running for life. However, if your knees ache every time you run and it never gets better no matter how hard you try or how many doctors you go to; well, maybe it is time to take up cycling.

I believe that a single, or even multiple failures does not mean throwing in the towel. If that were the case, I could never be a Christian. In a sense, the Christian life is about accepting failure: My failure at purity, at holiness; my failure to redeem myself; Humanities failure and fall in to sin, our races complete depravity and complete inability to remove ourselves from it. However, accepting those failures does not mean you don't strive for holiness. Christ's sacrifice gives us the power to become more like Him, the Spirit works in us to achieve that which we couldn't on our own. We will still fail because our dying sinful self fights as it dies, but that doesn't mean we should ever give up, even though we will not have full victory in the life.

The confusion comes with anything that is not as important as our increasing Christ-likeness, which is everything else! How do I know when a situation is beyond me, when it has become unhealthy or impossible to succeed?

I do believe that it is too easy to give up. Struggle and failure is pain, and pain is unpleasant. Of course we should want to avoid it, end it. However, not all pain is bad; the trick is learning whether the pain is a pain that will lead to growth or a pain that acts a warning. Is this a pain of God stretching and increasing Himself in me, or is this pain God's megaphone? Do I keep running or take up cycling?

The Renewing Mind: Joyous Things

Jesus
God
The Holy Spirit
My Daughter
My Son
Any future children
My Wife
The Church
My Mom and Dad
My Sisters
my grandparents
my aunts and uncles
that my extended family is awesome
my in-laws, including the extended family I married into
Old Friends
New Friends
when worship music makes me cry
any children
Any ice cream that doesn't have nuts in it.
Dark Chocolate
Board Games
Video Games
pretending
day dreaming
Books that make you wonder where the day has gone
the smell of cookies baking
the small of the beach in late summer
Peanut Butter and Strawberry Jam
Motorcycles
Scuba Diving
Wind
Long, Almost-too-hot showers
Getting into a hot car
Snow Skiing
Ireland
Red-heads
green eyes
freckles
watching couples hold hands or kiss
kittens
Evergreen Trees
Mountains
when I am writing well and consitantly
sarsaparilla
french fries
bare feet
The Holy Spirit
God
Jesus

Before Brad@Home/The Renewing Mind: It's Official.

I am no longer a Californian.

I had this idea in my head that I am from where ever I have spent the most time living. I spent 16.2 years in California. I have now spent 17.1 years in Illinois. So, by my own way of thinking about things, I have ceased to be a Californian and am now an Illinoian. Is that how you say it? Is it Illini?

I don't really have an issue with this, although throughout the years I have staunchly defended my association with the Golden State. I grew up in the OC before it was the OC. I lived there during the San Fransisco earthquake and during the Los Angeles riots. Until my parents moved us away, it had never occurred to me that I would like anywhere else. While I really enjoyed growing up there, I see it now and it doesn't feel like home anymore. It hasn't for a while. It's changed too much without me there to change in conjunction.

There is a small issue in that Illinois doesn't really feel like home either. I have nothing against Illinois. With the exception of some brutally cold winters that I have never really gotten used to, it has treated me fairly well. I went to college here, I met most of my closest friends here, I met and married my wife here, my children are being born here. Yet, as a place, it still doesn't feel like home.

Really, I don't believe there is any place on earth where I could settle and think of as home. Home as a location is something I don't believe in as something that can be attained on earth. Where ever God is, that will be my Home. That concept isn't tied to a place anymore.

I'll admit that sometimes that makes me a little sad. I long for the settled feeling home brings, I want a place where I can complete relax, and I know now that I can only get small slices of that here, and mostly through the people I spend my time with, not where I spend it.

So, I'm no longer a Californian, but I'm not really an Illinoisian either. I'm a Christian.

The Renewing Mind: Sublime

I don't think there has been a day that has gone by since I got married that I haven't been reminded how ridiculously selfish I am. If there has been a day, then it was probably my selfishness that has kept me from noticing.

And when I say ridiculously selfish I mean both that my selfishness is ridiculous in size and scope.

For example: the other day I got upset with my wife because she wanted me to do things around the house that legitimately needed to be done when I wanted to be playing games on Facebook.

Yes, I'm serious.

Luckily, I realized at the time that I was being selfish and went and did what she asked, but I am sure I didn't treat her quite as well as i should have since there was still this twisted little voice reminding me that I could be relaxing.

Now, obviously I had been self-absorbed for my whole life before I got married, and i was somewhat aware of it when I was single; however, there is nothing like living with someone else everyday whom you love and want to treat well to really put a microscope to one's selfishness. Once you have kids, it gets even more efficient.

Luckily, I think it is having an effect on more than just my married/paternal life.

Recently, I have been reading the biblical book of Job. Toward the end of the book, God starts responding to Job's early complaining. It is one of my favorite parts of the Bible, because it is the only place I can think of where God uses sarcasm. It's kind of awesome.
Anyway, it really puts a spotlight on how huge and amazing God is. I think that, as a Christian, I acknowledge God's power and sovereignty, but it gets watered down in my head because I spend so much time on his forgiveness and holiness. I focus on God's perfection and how offensive my sin is and how gracious His act on the cross is to forgive my sin.

What I constantly forget is that the being that suffered for my sin is also the most sublimely powerful entity in existence. That He had to take on human form at all is such a grave insult to His immensity, such a loving condescension extended to us, that we should really never be off our faces in the dirt in thanksgiving and supplication.
Something I thought about the other day: if every living being in all creation, if every planet and star and black hole throughout existence, if ever atom and tiny fraction of energy in all the universes that may or may not exist, and if every demon and angel all together marshaled their power simultaneously and in an concert lashed out in rebellion and destructive force against The One True God, we couldn't produce enough might to even be a challenge to Him. He could wipe us away without even lifting a finger. A bare breath and we would all be obliterated.

So, when I constantly pray about my own piddly issues, I am being supremely selfish. It isn't that I shouldn't bring my concerns to God. He wants me to in His continuing act of supreme selflessness. The issue is not that I come to Him with my issues, it is that I give my own concerns so much weight while neglecting what He may want for me and for those around me. That I pray first for myself, then for others, and then for God's will is the zenith of arrogance, with the possible exception of those who do not acknowledge God at all.

This is what I want my children to know: the best thing you can do in your life is pay as little attention to yourself as possible. Pay attention to God first, chase His will, the rest will work out.

The Renewing Mind: Not the End

Today I truly meant to write something lighter and playful, perhaps, if I was lucky, even funny.

But then I learned that the son of a friend of mine died.

I don’t pretend to really know what that must be like. I have only had grandparents die. While that was painful, the relationship from my end is different. I try to imagine what it would be like to have my daughter die; just the thought is enough to make me almost burst into tears. When I think of it, it is like the muscles in my chest try to crush my heart. That is just thinking about it, so I can barely fathom what experiencing it would be like.

To any of you suffering from this tragedy, or from any other loss of life, you have my deepest sympathies.

Death is a tragedy. I have never really understood those who claim that death is a part of life, that it is natural. We were meant for eternity, to live forever in God’s presence. The death of a being made in God’s likeness is anything but natural. Our spirits should have been so full of the light and life of God that we never age, never die. Death is a consequence of the nature we all now inherit. As my pastor said recently, we are made in the likeness of God, but unfortunately born with the likeness of Adam. So as death should have never come to us, it is only right that we should mourn when anyone dies.

Becoming a believer means that the likeness of God in you has been redeemed. While we will all still die a physical death, our souls will live on with God. This makes the grieving process a strange affair. You know that death is not the end for any believer. You know that you will see them again and in the best of circumstances. A Christian doesn’t mourn the loss of a fellow believer, because no fellow believers are ever lost. We mourn because we can’t immediately follow and must live more years without them. We don’t mourn so much for them leaving as for us staying.

The True Tragedy comes when those we love die without Christ. They will be separate from God, and therefore us as well. That is something over which to truly grieve. That is something that we should fight against with everything we are. That convicts me—that I am such a coward that I don’t share Jesus with everyone I meet.

To my friend whose son has gone ahead, I am so sorry. I hope that our Lord Jesus would make His face to shine upon you and your family and give you all peace.

The Renewing Mind/Sensitive Geek Man: The Death of Dreams

When I was a kid, I dreamed about being a chemist. Anyone who knows me and my relationship with math will understand why that is absurd.

But as we grow up, so do our dreams. At some point our seemingly rational mind develops its hopes, its dreams for what we will be.

My senior year of high school, I had to make a choice of what to major in. I narrowed it down to 3 choices: Theater, Music, and Writing. In the wisdom of an 18 year old, semi-privileged boy-man, I chose music, specifically Vocal Performance. I figured that I could learn to act on my own or through the music theater training I expected to receive, and I didn’t think I needed to go to school for writing.

I am not going to go into grand detail about my school experience; I just bring that up to illustrate my fledgling dreams. I wanted to perform, be creative, and create people and worlds. These were the direction I thought would let me do that.

One by one they have almost all crumbled. I could go into the sob stories about why they have, but as I look back on them I realize a few things.

There came a point with each where the effort and sacrifice required was no longer worth the supposed pay off and I stopped. I didn’t have to—as much as I thought I had no choice at the time. I abandoned them, although not from lack of desire for the art itself as much as the ‘extras’ that surrounded the art. My fear is that I stopped due to laziness or silliness.

The biggest problem was, simply, that my dreams were about me. They were selfish, self-absorbed, self-glorifying, and somewhat narcissistic endeavors. Perhaps they didn’t have to be, but they were because I made one very critical error.

I didn’t put Christ at the center of my future.

I’ve been a Christian since I was 12, and I grew up in a Christian family before that. Christ has always been part of my life in some way. When I accepted Him as my Savior and Lord, I was bequeathed the firmest foundation possible upon which to build this life. I made the mistake of not including Him enough in the actually building process.

So here I had a beautiful, strong Rock upon which to build the house of my life, and I built a gaudy mansion of garbage.

So, slowly but surely, that mansion had been torn down, slowly and painfully. I have tried to make my hopes more Christ-centered, but it seems that I still have some sort of learning to do, as they have all crumbled as well.

As much as I was (and still sometimes am) angry and sad about losing them, as much as I miss them, I now can see that their death was possibly the best thing that could have happened. They were dreams made of diaphanous debris. They would have accomplished nothing of real worth in and of themselves. They need to die in order that God could replace them with Himself.

As a believer, Jesus should replace all my dreams. He should be the reason for everything I do. He should be where I put my effort, where my mind wanders when I am thinking about grand and glorious things. When I think of my life, I should be thinking how it serves Him. When I think of myself, I should only see Christ reflected back. These other things are truly dreams: fleeting wisps, folly, a chasing after the wind.

One of those follies remains. My desire to write has not yet been crushed. I am determined to sanctify it. I see now that it must serve if it is to be useful. Any tool that does not serve is thrown into the fire. Writing is not a dream, imagination and wordsmithing are not the dream, they are the tools I use to pursue the Christ.

Really, all of life is a dream, a nightmare from which we will all one day wake. Only those in Christ will wake to Life.

So, I encourage you: Look at your life and find the dreams and frivolous hopes that must die. Perhaps the Lord will have compassion and He will sanctify those follies into tools for you, but do not hang on to them in that hope. It only makes it harder. See those things and do whatever you need to get them out of the way.

And don’t be fooled, this is a life-long struggle. I have to put down my broken dreams every day. It is never completely painless. But one day I will wake and look into the eyes of my Lord. On that day every true desire of my heart will find fulfillment. On that day all dreams will pale in comparison to the reality that is the presence of God. On that day, I will laugh at how frivolous all my earthly hopes were and then I will forget them.

On that day, there will be too much celebration and joy to even consider past sufferings.

The Renewing Mind: Boundaries Cont.

So the question remains: Is there an acceptable way for a Christian to have boundaries?

When dealing with other Christian's I think that there definitely is. As part of our Christian life, we are supposed to help each other in becoming more like Christ. When a fellow believer behaves in such a way that not only is sinful or un-Christlike, but also abuses other members of The Church, I think that having boundaries and enforcing them is not only smart but biblical. The catch is that the boundaries that we create and enforce have to be biblical and christ-like themselves.

While there are many passages on this, I think the Fruit of the Spirit is a good guideline to do a quick check against.
Does the way in which I am enforcing this boundary express God's love for this person?
Does it reflect the joy I have in the Lord?
Are you expressing the boundary in a way that should promote peace?
Are you being patient with the person while enforcing the boundary? Also, are you persevering not only in making sure your boundary is Godly, but with that person as they work out their own Christ-walk?
Are you expressing the boundary with kindness, not to hurt or belittle or even accuse?
Is this boundary good and is your enforcement of it good? Do both things coincide with biblical teaching and avoid sinfulness?
Are you relying on Christ for the situation and not on your own wisdom or powers? Do you have faith that He will work things out on your behalf?
Are you being careful to express yourself in a way that is not needlessly hurtful and that is clear? Are you doing your best to make sure that your expression does not get in the way of your message? If it is possible, are you making sure to help the person feel cared for even as you are enforcing a boundary against them?
Finally, are you controlling yourself? Are you letting anger or resentment cloud your judgement?


Really, these are good guidelines for dealing with anyone, Christian or otherwise. With non-Christians, I think there is an added responsibility to sacrifice our own comfort on their behalf. They do not share our view of creation, nor are they being made more Christ-like, so we have to ask the extra question of whether this boundary is leading them to Christ?

I think a big issue a lot of us have is seeing kindness and gentleness as weakness, as well as seeing boundary enforcement or saying 'no' to requests as unkind. The strongest people are those who can be strong while also considering others; and sometimes the kindest thing you can do is say 'no' to a request when you know that saying 'no' will ultimately help the other person more than 'yes.'

Now just to figure out how to do all that all the time.