Before Brad@Home: Monkey in a Diaper

The news of my wife's pregnancy was a joyous and blessed occasion which I ruined.

When my wife's belly appeared on the screen, I gaped like a lobotomy patient. The sun was just rising, and I had (despite my preparation) a mildly plane hangover. Also, as our baby plans were still officially a year or so off, I wasn't quite prepared.

I moment passed as I thought, "Is that monkey in a diaper?"

My coffee hadn't taken effect really either.

Once the caffeine hit the cortex, I believe the conversation went something like this:

Blinking into the computer with dawning comprehension, I said "Wait...really?"

My wife's head drops into frame, the head of the baby-picture is still visible. "Yeah, I found out last night and the doctor confirmed it this morning."

"Uh, wow."

My wife is beaming, "Yeah, pretty crazy, huh?

"Yeah, how does this affect your blood clot situation?"

A few months before, we'd done a sprint-length triathlon and she had started to feel lethargic and odd. She pushed through it and finished the race, but it was strangely hard for her--considering that she had done 2 other such triathlons over the last few years and had no such issue. When the feeling didn't pass, she began what would be a series of pokes and prods from doctors, and various MRIs to discover that she had a small battalion of blood clots in both of her legs. She had no history of blood clots up until this point. See, my wife had been taking a medication called YAZ, which seems to have a few unfortunate and seriously intense side-effects. There are currently multiple lawsuits pending. 

They found the majority in her upper legs and thighs, but dozens of little dots showed up in her lungs as well. We were told that her lungs were taking care of it so far, breaking down the clots before they could become a big problem.
He put her on medication and explicitly warned us that the medication my wife was taking was very bad for pregnancies. We assured him at the time that we had no immediate plans to have kids.

So, in regards to the baby news I was hearing, it was definitely something that needed to be discussed, but as I watched the excited light slowly dim in my wife's eyes over the wonders of the Internet, it occurred to me that I could have waited a bit before bringing it up.

When I say it occurred to me, I mean days later. In the moment, I kept pushing. 

She had stopped taking the original medication and the doctor was going to give her a new one that was safer. Over the next few days she had some tests done to confirm that the Christ had shielded us and the baby was Okay. The only issue was that the only medication that could treat dangerous "deep vein thrombosis" (blood clots in her legs) and not harm the baby were injections that had to be given in the stomach twice a day.

So we began our new, grand adventure: One of us on the other side of the world, the other jabbing sharp metal into her abdomen.

The Renewing Mind/Sensitive Geek MAN: Marriage Works

I haven't been married that long in the grand scheme of things, so I am not sure my advice on the matter is fully vested. However, having been married as long as I have (and also having dated a decent but not overwhelming number of women before I got married) I have come to a few conclusions.

I am going to share one now.

When you are young, you think of all of these things you want in a spouse: the movies they like, the sorts of things you will do together, the books they read, whether they like the outdoors, what music they listen to, whether they like to dance, if you have things in common, blah blah blah.

There is really only 2 things you need to make a marriage work.

1. A spouse that doesn't believe in divorce no matter what.
2. A spouse that will work things through with you no matter how long it takes.

Now, those of you who read this blog or know me are probably surprised I didn't say that one of the things you need is Jesus Christ. Well, I am sure there are people in the world who have functional marriages and don't know The Lord. However, I do believe that knowing and following Jesus is the most important thing you can have in common and for me it was a non-negotiable. Also, if you both know Jesus you should automatically get those other 2 things as well as a good slew of other things that will help.

Anyway, if you have the above 2 things, it is very possible to make a marriage work, and marriage is hard work--don't believe anyone who says otherwise. If you go into your marriage thinking it is going to be always fun and romantic and light and wonderful, you are in for a rude awakening and possibly divorce (unless you also have those above 2 things and/or Jesus.) Marriage is work even for the best couples. There will be times you don't want to work, that you wonder why you got married, that you wonder what the other person could possibly see in you, but you can get through it. When you make it through those sorts of trials, you get something wonderful: a relationship where you can trust the other person unreservedly, because they have proven they will always be there, supporting you even when they don't feel like it and loving you even when they don't like you.

So, this is a message to my wife: When I said I would go where you go and stay where you stay, I meant it. I love you even when we are making each other crazy. We have good times and bad, but the important thing is that we have Jesus and each other.