Sensitive Geek MAN: a million miles per hour

There are some that would call me careless.

I am not saying that there isn't some amount of carelessness in my life. I am sure that most people suffer from that occasionally. I try to limit the actual carelessness as much as I can, but the problem with carelessness is that you don't notice when you are doing it most of the time.

I feel like I may have an expanded issue with carelessness. I have ADHD. To clarify, I don't mean that I am like those poor over-medicated children who could control their issues with a diet changes, or some allergy meds, or that don't actually have an issues and are just kids. I have a chemical issue in my brain that actually produces hyperactivity and a certain amount of attention deficit. I say a certain amount because their are things that I could do to limit its effects, like watch my diet, exercise, deal with my allergies, that sort of thing. However, the big difference between someone like me and what I believe is the majority of people who are diagnosed with ADD is that even if I did those things, it won't complete erase the issue. Also, a lot of the ADD kids will grow out of it. I didn't and won't.

I should quickly say that I do not see this as an excuse for bad or irresponsible behavior. It isn't 'just the way I am.' I believe that I have an issue that has a physical component that I can't do anything about, but I can do something about how I deal with it. Everyone has something they have to deal with. Responsible people don't complain about it or use it as an excuse for bad behavior. They suck it up and do their best to deal with it, and they apologize for their failures.

Anyway, one of the big things that it seems to enhance is carelessness. I spill things on myself a lot, often even when I think I am being careful. I put things down convinced I will remember where they are, and of course I don't. Trying to find my glasses is a regular ritual at my house. I have regular habits that I have taught myself for the regular things, and that usually helps there, but anything new or that doesn't occur on a regular basis could get caught up in the whirlwind.

Again, I really try not to make excuses for forgetting these things, and I usually feel pretty bad when my forgetfulness affects other people negatively. I am not asking anyone to just sweep it under the rug. I promise, it isn't personal, it isn't that I don't care about YOU, i would forget this thing even if you weren't there. Again, not an excuse, I want to get better at it. I want to be able to explain it, but it is hard because I don't know how it is for others.

I suppose one way of explaining it is that my brain moves faster than my mind a lot of the time. Unless I have built in the habit of stopping to make myself think, the brain just kind of runs. All the time. If I am conscious, there really is never a break.

it's sort of like this:

Brain: Open door, set down keys, take off coat, set down bag, get something to eat.
Mind: WAIT! you didn't put your keys on the hook, go back.
Brain: ARG, I hate you, Fine, back to the hook, keys, EATING NOW.
Mind: OK, calm down. Hey, we just used the last paper towel, we should go change those.
Brain: can't talk, eating.
Mind: Seriously? you eat and talk all the time, why is now different? just go downstairs and get a roll of paper towels.
Brain: I want to change first. *starts moving toward the bedroom.
Mind: No, don't. We will forget! You'll get all caught up in something and I'll be too busy trying to keep up with you and it won't get done. DO IT NOW!
Brain: can't talk, changing.
Mind: Put on the dingy pants, we need to go mow the yard.
Brain: Right, bad pants. Lawn, get music.
Mind: Dude, put on a shirt.
Brain: Right, dingy shirt.
Mind: Hey, you figured that out on your own. Sweet. Is our MP3 player charged, Yes? good. Ok, put on shoes.
Brain: Shoes.
Mind: I feel like we are forgetting something.
Brain: Can't talk, shoes.

That's sort of what it's like.

Sensitive Geek MAN: Dumb and Dumber

I am occasionally concerned that we are getting stupider as a species.

I don't mean that we are getting less capable of learning or knowing things, or even that we are getting less knowledgeable as a species. I think most people would agree that we have an immense amount of information available to us, more than any single person could ever know. Also, there are obviously a group of people that is very knowledgeable and good at applying that knowledge, since we have been having various technological advancements over the last 100 years.

I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about the continuing educational process and the application of knowledge in a beneficial manner.

We may be gaining knowledge, but we are losing intelligence, we are losing wisdom, we are losing smarts.

Not only that, we are glorying in our stupidity. Just turn on TV. Watch any of a number of reality shows. Jersey Shore seems an excellent example. The popularity of that show is frightening. Shows like Big Brother teach us that it's OK to treat other people like crap to get what we want. That shows a lack of wisdom in how to deal with others both shrewdly and kindly.

I am not slamming TV, I think there are many shows that have a great ability to teach intelligence and wisdom. However, the popularity of those shows is very telling.

Mostly, I think our laziness and selfishness gets in the way. It's less taxing to be stupid and rude, and unfortunately there aren't always immediate consequences. And while there may be long term consequences, we may not put all the pieces together to realize what caused those consequences, because we are dumb and in denial.

Everyone does this. It is a failing of the super-educated as well as everyone else. Our current world-wide financial issues are a good example. Significant lack of wisdom there, as well as a huge dose of selfishness.

Historically, whenever this sort of thing started happening in a culture, that culture fell shortly thereafter. There have been multiple things written on it, and the Roman Empire is an excellent example. They got greedy, lazy, and stupid, then their whole society caved in.

So, don't revel in dumbness. Fight it, help others fight it. It can come to no lasting good.

Although it may get you a TV show.

Sensitive Geek MAN: When the Mind wins the Brain Game

Today I took a Blacksmithing class. Specifically, I took a class that taught how to make a small, propane-powered forge. As part of this process, we had to line the inside of our canister with a heat-resistant baffling that is very like fiberglass. If you have never worked with fiberglass, then you haven't experienced the itchiness that comes if you aren't careful how you handle it. You see, fiberglass-like materials have tiny shards inside them that get in your skin and make you itch. It is not pleasant.

However, as long as you are not shredding fiberglass, or burning it, or some other crazy thing that sort of aerosolizes it, you aren't really in any major danger if you are just mildly careful. I wore long sleeves, I wore safety goggles. Everything should have been fine.

However, for an hour or so after finishing working with the fiberglass, I had problems breathing. Well, not really problems, more like just a odd sensitivity.

Don't worry, I didn't inhale fiberglass. You see, these symptoms were psychosomatic. I didn't inhale fiberglass. I just worried that I might have and my brain produced a few symptoms to help my worry along.

This is not the first time this has happened to me. In fact, pretty much every time I do anything with volatile or potentially poisonous materials, I have some sort of mild reaction. I'm not kidding. If I have to use bleach to clean anything, I convince myself that I've managed to swallow some, and then my throat feels all weird.

However, all that is not even the part I think is interesting. The interesting part is that I know I'm doing it. I mean that, even while my brain is slightly worried that I may have swallowed bleach, my mind is saying "You didn't. You're fine. You do this every time. Calm down."

And yet I still have a tickle in my throat.

Now it has gotten better. The weirdness doesn't last as long as it used to. Some things that used to trigger it don't anymore. Also, I have never (at least to the best of my memory) let my worries about this sort of thing keep me from doing or trying anything. Because I know it is in my head. Sometimes I can just remind myself it isn't real. Sometimes I pray a little. Either way, things get better.

So I am fascinated by the power of the brain. Based on something I am worrying about, it can make me feel symptoms that I have no reason to be having.
However, I am more impressed with the power of the mind. Even though I am worried, I can tell myself that it isn't real and still make myself behave normally.

Now, I don't want you to think I obsess over all this. I don't. These 'worries' I have when dealing with chemicals and such are no real hindrance. I usually just ignore them and go about my day, because I know a few things.
First, the Lord is watching over me.
Second, all these silly little worries are in my brain.
Third, my mind, thanks to how we were created, has power over my brain. I've been given a conscious mind by my creator, and it has been empowered by my savior to help change me.