tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28448817574009123682024-03-13T07:40:47.502-05:00Brad@HomeBrad@Home Care, where our motto is "Keeping them alive is job 1. And sometimes I can only get 1 job done."Unknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger114125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2844881757400912368.post-35224040422049138722014-03-13T14:12:00.002-05:002014-03-13T14:12:51.497-05:00The Baby Show: Important Part of a Healthy Breakfast<div style="background-color: white; color: #444444; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.200000762939453px; margin: 0in;">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; line-height: 13.65pt;">
Players: Brad, Gus, Ruby<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; line-height: 13.65pt;">
Location: Kitchen, Breakfast Time<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; line-height: 13.65pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; line-height: 13.65pt;">
After pouring cereal out for the
kids, Brad begins making breakfast for The Wife and himself.<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; line-height: 13.65pt;">
Gus mostly ignores his food and
watches Brad turn the burner on under a tea kettle and pull out fixings for
oatmeal.<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; line-height: 13.65pt;">
Gus sees a bag of raisins come out of
the cupboard: "DAT! Eye want sum ov DAT!" <span style="color: #0070c0; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">{See here, I do believe that the
inclusion of that particular item will make my dining experience far more
enjoyable. Bring it to me.}</span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; line-height: 13.65pt;">
Brad, who has been unable to speak
for several days due to strained vocal chords, gives Gus one of the <b>The Looks: Politeness</b><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; line-height: 13.65pt;">
Gus sits back in his chair a bit as The
Look rolls over him: “Peas?”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; line-height: 13.65pt;">
Brad smiles and nods, bringing over
the bag of raisins and dropping a small handful into Gus’s cereal. Seeking to
quell any possible eruptions, Brad does the same with Ruby’s cereal.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; line-height: 13.65pt;">
Brad turns to put the raisins away as
Ruby eyes the lump of dried grapes now sitting atop her partially eaten cereal:
“BUT DADDIE!” She glances back and forth between her food and her father. “I
don’t want them.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; line-height: 13.65pt;">
Brad reaches up and puts away the
raisins, giving Ruby a quizzical glance over his shoulder.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; line-height: 13.65pt;">
Ruby: “I don’t want these raisins,
they are making my food yucky.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; line-height: 13.65pt;">
Brad turns, makes a sympathetic face,
puts a loving hand on Ruby’s head. He points with the other and makes a
scooping motion toward his mouth.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; line-height: 13.65pt;">
Ruby starts to flounce around in the
partially kneeling position she regularly sits in: “NO, <i>I don’t want them</i>, they are yucky.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; line-height: 13.65pt;">
Brad grabs the tablet computer and
opens up an app. After a few moments of typing, Steven Hawking says: “<span style="font-family: 'Lucida Console';">But RooBee, You are
ee-ting Ray Sin Bran.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; line-height: 13.65pt;">
Ruby: “But these are different
raisins, I don’t want them.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; line-height: 13.65pt;">
Seeing that this is about to become A
Thing, Brad randomly pulls raisins out
of Ruby’s cereal bowl. Once he has ten or so, he makes the ‘There you go’
gesture.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; line-height: 13.65pt;">
Ruby: “The yucky raisins are out now?”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; line-height: 13.65pt;">
Brad rolls his eyes, and
simultaneously nods and shakes his head.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; line-height: 13.65pt;">
Ruby picks up her spoon and begins to
eat; Brad pops the offensive raisins into his mouth.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; line-height: 13.65pt;">
As Brad turns back to the counter,
Gus points at his bowl: “Eye don’t want them inn deh.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; line-height: 13.65pt;">
Brad spins around dumbfounded and
throws his hands up. He gives Ruby a ‘This is your fault’ look, which she doesn’t
notice as she shovels raisin bran into her face. Brad picks out yet more random
raisins, and is about to eat them when Gus points at the small pile of raisins
in Brad’s hand.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; line-height: 13.65pt;">
Gus: “Eye want dem.” <span style="color: #0070c0; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">{Oh, you misunderstand. I want those
raisins, just not in my cereal. THOSE are my special raisins. Hand them over.}<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; line-height: 13.65pt;">
Brad sighs and drops them on the
place mat. Gus reaches for them and shoves them all in his mouth simultaneously.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; line-height: 13.65pt;">
Brad gives Gus <b>The Look:Politeness</b><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; line-height: 13.65pt;">
Gus, mouthful of raisins: “Vnk Mnn.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; line-height: 13.65pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11166048399071017823noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2844881757400912368.post-9554846189268689632014-02-28T15:07:00.002-06:002014-02-28T15:07:55.332-06:00The Baby Show: Defending His Turf.<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Players: Brad, Gus<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Location: The hallway
outside of Ruby's Gymnastics classroom.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">After getting Ruby into
her gymnastics class, Brad and Gus walk out into the long hallway.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Brad: "Gus, would you
like to go into the waiting room or play in the hall.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Gus barrels down the hallway at full toddler speed, “HALLWAY!”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Brad trails behind slowly as Gus sway-runs down the rather long
hall to the emergency exit door on the far end. Gus looks out the door for a
few minutes.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">While Gus is considering making a break for it, another parent
comes out into the hall to let her son, Morris, play.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Brad smiles at Morris’s mom, “Hi.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">She smiles back, “Hi.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Having fulfilled their parent-social duties, both parents go back
to watching their kids play.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Morris sees Gus at the end of the hall and toddles precariously in
that direction.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Gus turns and, recognizing Morris from previous hall play, moves
to intercept. Gus hugs Morris. Morris’s forehead bashes into Gus’s nose,
cutting off the hug abruptly.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Gus: “Whet’s wun.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Gus starts off. Morris picks this up quickly and starts after,
although more slowly. Gus slows down to wait. Morris is at his full speed when
he gets to Gus, and Gus can’t get back up to speed fast enough. Morris takes
the lead.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Gus bounds after him with a grunt: </span><span style="color: #00b0f0; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">{See here, lad. Do not mistake kindness for
weakness. Having traversed the breadth of this aisle, I am the master of this
domain. I lead.} </span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Gus grabs the hood hanging from the back of Morris’s sweatshirt
and pulls Morris back.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Morris rebounds as if he suddenly came to the end of his tether
and plops suddenly back onto the floor.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Brad: “GUS! No. That’s not nice.” Brad grabs Gus and brings Gus
face-to-face. “You could have hurt him. Be kind.” Brad looks up at Morris’s
mom. “I’m so sorry.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Morris’s mom says: “That’s okay.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Brad hears “That’s 1.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Brad: “Gus, say you’re sorry to Morris.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Gus goes over to Morris and gives him an awkward toddler hug: “Saw-we,
Moe-wis.” </span><span style="color: #00b0f0; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">{My
apologies, chap. I should have informed you of my dominance of this arena,
given our previously established friendship. No hard feeling, eh?}</span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Morris bats impossibly long eyelashes at Gus and runs down the
hall toward the entrance.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Gus follows.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">As they get to the beginning of the hallway, a mother comes in
with her two boys and stops to talk to another mother who has just finished
dropping her daughter off at gymnastics.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Gus’s run turns into a domineering strut. He approaches the two
boys, coming up to only their chins.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Gus: </span><span style="color: #00b0f0; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">{KNAVES! You think you can saunter in out of cold and lay claim
to my dominion?} </span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">“NO!” Gus slaps the first boy on the chest with all his toddler
might. The majority of the impact is diffused by the boys bulbous winter coat –
the modern equivalent of child armor. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Without a moment to spare, Gus turns to the other boy: </span><span style="color: #00b0f0; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">{Don’t think I am afraid
of you either, sirrah. I may be outnumbered, but I am a man of will and
passion!} </span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Gus
slaps the other boy on the chest as well.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Brad grabs Gus by the armpit and drags him over to the side: “What
are you doing? You do NOT hit. Do you understand me?”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Gus: “Yeah.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Meanwhile, the first boy comes calmly over to Gus: “I didn’t like that
you did that.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Brad: “Gus, say you’re sorry.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Gus: “I’m saw-we.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Brad, to the boys’ mother, “I’m sorry about that.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">She smiles, “They’re boys. It happens.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Brad smiles back and refrains from mentioning that Gus probably
learned this from his sister.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11166048399071017823noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2844881757400912368.post-87505004372704307432013-09-20T12:01:00.000-05:002013-09-20T14:30:31.261-05:00A Mock-Up of Parenting: Part the Last, where we wrap things up.<div class="MsoNormal">
(Continued from <a href="http://bradathome.blogspot.com/2013/09/a-mock-up-of-parenting-part-third-which.html">Part the Third</a>)<br />
<br />
I came up with all this based on my limited experience, but
even more based on my conversations with and observations of other parents.
There are some parenting heroes who are juggling 4 muddy tennis balls while
listening to Spanish radio, and I don’t even feel worthy to be in the same room
with them. After watching them and listening to their wisdom, the advice I’ve
gleaned breaks down into a few areas.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
First, get people to support you. Other parents, your extended
family, close friends—people upon which you can rely and with whom can be
disturbingly honest.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Second, remember that you can always catch up on those
episodes (what’s going on in the world) later when you have a minute to breath.
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Third, let go of the idea that your life is your own.
Really, this is good advice even if you don’t have kids. The things you have to
get done or you wanted to do with your day—or life—can be subtly onerous
whether you have kids or not. The sooner you let that go, the happier you’ll be
overall.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Remember, keeping the kids alive is job #1, and sometimes
you can only get one job done.</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11166048399071017823noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2844881757400912368.post-73388535482047935822013-09-19T13:14:00.003-05:002013-09-19T13:14:49.390-05:00A Mock-Up of Parenting: Part the Third which attempts an explanation(Continued from <a href="http://bradathome.blogspot.com/2013/09/a-mock-up-of-parenting-part-second.html">Part the Second</a>)<br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
Some of you are thinking that I’m crazy. This can’t possibly
be what it’s like. However, there are some parents out there who are reading
this and thinking “<i>That’s how I feel
every day!” </i>Let me break it down in hopes of making the example more
accessible. Watching the show is keeping track of general life—what’s going on
in the world, how your extended family or friends or church is doing—that sort
of thing. The music represents the various mental challenges that your kids
throw at you during the day. It isn't constant, there are breaks, and sometimes
they do things for which you already feel equipped. Sometimes they do things
that are so foreign it messes up your whole day. The tennis balls represent the
attention and physical effort you have to expend while watching kids. Finally,
the reason you are doing this on a day when you have other things planned is
two-fold: children slow down the progress of almost every other endeavor even—and
sometimes especially—if it isn't directly about them; and parents, as much as
we love and claim we are willing to sacrifice for our kids, often hold on to
the idea that our life is still (selfishly) our own. This overtly causes
frustration and subvertly may cause us to feel that our kids are getting in the
way of us leading our own lives.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Now, the immediate area where I know this example breaks
down is with the concept of the treats. The treats are meant to show how the
love and adorableness of children can make the challenge of raising them
worthwhile. A simple treat does not completely represent how profound that can
be. It is really one of the main things I think keeps many parents sane. When
you are in the trenches, you cling to it because you <i>know</i> it’s true, even when it doesn't <i>feel</i> true. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11166048399071017823noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2844881757400912368.post-6671397246044167772013-09-18T13:25:00.002-05:002013-09-18T13:25:26.882-05:00A Mock up of Parenting - Part the Second: where we add complications.<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Then you decide to have a second kid. Add a tennis ball.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Things get harder. When you have help, it’s still not that bad. You
divide the work and after some adjustment, things go pretty well. When you
don’t have help, you end up initially having to go through the episode twice,
temporarily memorizing the songs you hear the second time through. That’s not
too bad, because you get a treat both times, but it’s frustrating to have to
wait on those tasks you want to get done. However, eventually you may still be
able to adapt so that much of the time you can get through the process in 1
sitting.<span style="display: none; mso-hide: all;">t harder. When your spouse is
helping, thisnever, you will improve.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="display: none; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-hide: all;">hange suddenly, perhaps because it is a new
season.</span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Then you have a third kid—add a tennis ball.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Now, even with your spouse’s help, one of you is minding two of the
tennis balls. Without help, you’re trying to keep 3 balls going by yourself and
still catch the entire plot and all the songs. The number of times it takes to
successfully make it will go up dramatically. You’ll be regularly frustrated
that you aren’t getting anything else done.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">And remember, this is if you just have averagely difficult kids.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">If you want to see what it is like to have an above-average difficult
kid, or a kid with some legitimate special needs, there are a few things you
can do to simulate that in this experiment.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Choose a radio station with a style of music you don’t follow. For me,
it would be country music. If you start to get used to that style, switch to
another station. If I ever got so used
to country that it started to get easy, I’d switch to jazz, for example. For
very challenging kids, choose a Spanish channel (assuming you don’t speak
Spanish.)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">You could also get 1 (or more) of the tennis balls wet. Not only does
that make them heavier and make them bounce less effectively, it also makes
them <i>messy.</i> Again, for an added
challenge, instead of clear water, use something like Kool-aid, or the liquefied cheese from a macaroni box, or mud.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">In all fairness, there is the chance you’ll have
very easy kids, which would be like listening to a playlist of all your
favorite songs instead of a random radio station, while watching re-runs of
your favorite TV show.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">(To be continued)</span>
<!--[if !supportLineBreakNewLine]--><br />
<!--[endif]--></span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11166048399071017823noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2844881757400912368.post-12028345293019577522013-09-17T13:36:00.002-05:002013-09-17T13:36:34.551-05:00A Mock-up of Parenting - Part the First where we detail the tasks involved<div class="MsoNormal">
Before I had kids, I had taken care of kids. I’d watched
older friend’s kids, babysat, done church childcare, and various other kid-care
activities. Based on those experiences, I thought I’d be a pretty decent
parent.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
What I have now discovered is that <i>none</i> of those experiences really prepared me for being a parent.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Due to this realization, I’ve been trying to think of a way
to explain to someone who doesn’t currently have kids of their own what it is
like being a parent. While all my illustrations fail in some capacity, I have
an idea I think is getting there.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
First, pick a day where you want to accomplish something
that isn’t related to childcare. This task or tasks should take several hours
to finish and be something that you want to finish on that day, preferably. It
could even be a series of projects, rather than one big project, as long as you
have it in mind to try to finish a large number of those projects within this
single day.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
In the morning of said day, turn on your television and
queue up an episode of a show you like that has some plot. Sitcoms aren’t
ideal, since they are mostly episodic and can be watched fairly mindlessly.
News is a little better, but still not ideal, as knowing what happened on the
previous episode doesn’t impact being able to watch future episodes. This
should be a show that has a multi-episode plot, and where it is at least
somewhat important or beneficial that you be familiar with previous episodes. Turn
the TV up to a level where you don’t have to strain to hear it in any way.<br />
Then get a radio with speakers—no headphones. Turn it to a music station. It
doesn’t matter what kind of music station—feel free to choose a station you
listen to regularly or that plays music that you already enjoy and with which
you are somewhat familiar. Turn that radio up to a few decibels less than the
TV.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Now get a tennis ball.<br />
Start your show and turn on the radio. Then choose a point on the wall and
start bouncing the tennis ball against the wall. The ball should not bounce
more than once on its return trip, and it should not rest in your hand for more
than a second.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
You have several goals. First, at the end of your show you
should understand what happened in the episode well enough to be able to
immediately go on to the next episode. Second, you need to be able to recite
all the names of the songs that came on the radio while the show was on. You
may write them down as they play, if you like. This may sound hard, but
remember a lot of radio is commercials and talking. You don’t have to remember
any of that.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
If you have a spouse who is at home with you, your spouse
may help. One of you can write down songs, while the other bounces the ball. At
the end of the show, you may commiserate on the plot to make sure you have it
all down.<br />
If at the end of the show’s length, you have accomplished all these things,
then you get to reward yourself, first with some sort of treat – ice cream,
chocolate, whatever – then by starting to work on the tasks you wanted to
accomplish that day. If you fail at any 1 of these things, you get the treat,
but you don’t get to go onto your tasks unless you try again with the same
episode. If you fail at any 1 thing a second time, give yourself another,
smaller treat, then try again. A third single failure—a tiny treat, try again.
Fourth time, no treat, try again, etc.<br />
If you fail at any 2 tasks, you get no treat that round. Try again.<br />
This is what it is like to be the parent of 1 average child for 1 day.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
At first, you may make mistakes. You won’t be able to
remember all the songs. You’ll drop the tennis ball or hold it too long or it
will bounce too many times. Maybe you won’t remember some key part of the show.
However, on your second time through the same episode, you’ll do much better.
Probably because you will know the plot and can almost ignore the TV, focusing
on the radio. If you have a spouse helping, you almost definitely will succeed
the first time, and then you <i>both</i> get
treats.<br />
As you do it more and more, with different episodes, it will get easier. Your
multi-focus ability will adapt, your muscles will get used to the motion, and
your memory will improve. You’ll feel like a success.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Now, occasionally, the plot of the show will get extra
detailed, or it will change suddenly, perhaps because it is a new season. That
may throw you a bit, but you’ll recover fairly quickly. New music will come out
on the radio, so occasionally you won’t catch the name. Once in a while you’ll
have an unlucky fumble with the ball. Overall, however, you will improve.<o:p></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
Then you decide to have a second kid. Add a tennis ball.<o:p></o:p></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11166048399071017823noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2844881757400912368.post-35475567974974890812013-07-15T14:55:00.000-05:002013-07-15T14:55:18.738-05:00The BabyShow: An Abrupt Ending<div class="MsoNormal">
Players: Gus, Ruby, Ruthie<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Location: Living Room<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Ruthie: “Okay, kiddoos, let’s read some books.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Gus toddles in from the other hallway: “Boo-k, Boo-k.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Ruthie calls down the hall: “Ruby, would you like to pick
out the first book.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Ruby: “YEAH!”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Ruby runs down the hall like a flat-footed T-Rex. She runs
over to the book bin and stars flipping through the books.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Ruthie: “Ruby, why are you naked?”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Ruby (who is actually still wearing underwear) looks down at
herself like she forgot she’d taken her clothes off, then: “because I’m inside.”
She then pulls a book out and hands it to Ruthie.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Ruthie re-positions on the couch. Ruby climbs up next to her,
as does Gus.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Ruthie makes a light concerned face when she opens the book:
“Okay, <i><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fox_in_Socks">Fox</a> in <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Fox-Socks-Seusss-Tongue-Tanglers/dp/0307931803/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1373916068&sr=1-1&keywords=fox+in+socks">Socks</a></i>
by Dr. Seuss.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Ruby laughs around the thumb in her mouth.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Ruthie makes her way carefully through <i>Fox in Socks</i>.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Ruthie: “…’Who sews whose socks? Sue sews Sue’s socks. Who
sees who sew whose new socks, sir? You see Sue sew Sue’s new socks, sir.’<a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=2844881757400912368#_ftn1" name="_ftnref1" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><!--[if !supportFootnotes]--><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;">[1]</span></span><!--[endif]--></span></a>
Gus, where yah going?”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Gus slides off couch: “Buk.” He toddles over to the book
bin.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Ruthie continues reading. About a page or two later, Gus
returns and hands her the interactive <i><a href="http://www.amazon.com/Charlie-Brown-Christmas-Interactive-Sound/dp/1595302417/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1373916543&sr=1-1&keywords=a+charlie+brown+christmas+book+interactive">A
Charlie Brown Christmas</a></i>.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Ruthie: “Why is this book even out?”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Gus: “BUHK.” He slaps the book a few times.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Ruthie: “Okay, we can read this next.” <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Gus goes off to play with a ball while he waits.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Ruthie continues to read <i>Fox
in Socks, </i>sighing audibly when it is finally finished.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Ruthie: “Okay, Gus. Come on back. It’s time for your book.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Gus comes back up onto the couch.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Ruthie opens the book: “A Charlie Brown Christmas, by
Charles M. Schulz.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Ruby: “I wanna press the buttons.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Gus: “BUH-tone.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Ruthie: “You can take turns.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Ruthie begins reading the book. Every other page or so,
there is a picture that indicates that a button on the side of the book should
be pressed. The kids take turns pressing these buttons and listening to the
sounds come out.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Ruby presses the button that results in Charlie Brown saying
‘Good Grief’ approximately 1000 times while the story is being read.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Ruthie starts reading the section where Charlie Brown
attempts to decorate his tiny, sad tree and it poorly: “ ‘A look of horror crossed Charlie Brown’s face. “I've killed
it! Oh, Everything I touch gets ruined!” His head hung in defeat, Charlie Brown
sadly walked away.’”<a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=2844881757400912368#_ftn2" name="_ftnref2" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><!--[if !supportFootnotes]--><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;">[2]</span></span><!--[endif]--></span></a><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Ruthie turns the page, only to find that all the following
pages have been ripped out of the book.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Ruby and Gus look up at her expectantly.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Ruthie: “uh….The End…?”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Gus blinks a few times and then slides off the couch.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Ruby giggles around her thumb, then flops of the couch onto
her feet and goes to steal whatever toy Gus just picked up.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Ruthie, thinking that the story is now hysterically dark,
puts it back in the book bin.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div>
<!--[if !supportFootnotes]--><br clear="all" />
<hr align="left" size="1" width="33%" />
<!--[endif]-->
<div id="ftn1">
<div class="MsoFootnoteText">
<a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=2844881757400912368#_ftnref1" name="_ftn1" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="font-size: 8.0pt;"><!--[if !supportFootnotes]--><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;">[1]</span></span><!--[endif]--></span></span></a><span style="font-size: 8.0pt;"> Dr. Seuss, <i>Fox
in Socks</i> (New York, Beginner Books, 1965), pg 21<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</div>
<div id="ftn2">
<div class="MsoFootnoteText">
<a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=2844881757400912368#_ftnref2" name="_ftn2" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="font-size: 8.0pt;"><!--[if !supportFootnotes]--><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;">[2]</span></span><!--[endif]--></span></span></a><span style="font-size: xx-small;"> Schulz, Charles M., </span><i style="font-size: 8pt;">A Charlie Brown Christmas: An Interactive Book with Sound</i><span style="font-size: xx-small;"> (Philadelphia, </span><span style="font-size: 11px;">Hallmark</span><span style="font-size: xx-small;"> Gift Books, 2010), pg 35.</span><o:p></o:p></div>
</div>
</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11166048399071017823noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2844881757400912368.post-61772989067570191432013-07-11T13:28:00.000-05:002013-07-11T13:28:02.503-05:00The Baby Show: She's gonna blow.Players: Brad, Gus, Hope, Ruby<div>
Location: Coming back from the park, the long way.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Brad, having gone around the long way to come back from the park, turns onto his street with Hope in the Baby Backpack, and The Baby Show in the double stroller.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Ruby turns around and looks up at Brad: "Daddy, I have to go pee."</div>
<div>
Brad: "What, right now or can we make it home?"</div>
<div>
Ruby pops her thumb in her mouth and stares at him.</div>
<div>
Brad, knowing that Ruby has been having more accidents recently, expects the worst: "Ruby, you really need to go pee?"</div>
<div>
Ruby nods: "and poop!"</div>
<div>
Brad begins to run. From this direction, the entire rest of the trip to home is uphill. </div>
<div>
Gus: "YEAYYAW." <span style="color: blue;">{Finally, some speed! ADVENTURE!}</span></div>
<div>
Hope is bouncing manically in the backpack, her stiff Frankenstein arms are out to the side, flapping: <span style="color: blue;">{Faster, I'm almost airborne}</span></div>
<div>
Gus: <span style="color: blue;">{AGREED. I'm late for a meeting with the <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Daoguang_Emperor">Daoguang Emperor</a>! Get this Rickshaw moving, chinaman!}</span></div>
<div>
Brad, huffing: "GUS! <a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0118715/?ref_=ttqt_qt_tt">Dude, chinaman is not the preferred nomenclature. Asian-American, Please!"</a></div>
<div>
Gus: <span style="color: blue;">{My apologies! Just trying to be authentic to the period.}</span></div>
<div>
Brad turns into their driveway and runs them up to the backdoor. </div>
<div>
He frantically unstraps Ruby and unlocks the backdoor: "Okay Ruby," gasp "go quick" gasp "to the potty."</div>
<div>
Ruby stands and stares at him for a moment, then takes her thumb out of her mouth. "I don't need to go potty. I want a graham cracker."</div>
<div>
Brad takes a few breathes: "Please go try anyway."</div>
<div>
Ruby toddles off.</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11166048399071017823noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2844881757400912368.post-21309474473576701772013-07-08T15:17:00.002-05:002013-07-08T20:38:10.659-05:00The Baby Show: Can't do this by myself<div class="MsoNormal">
Players: Brad, Gus, Hope, Ruby<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Location: Kitchen, The beginning of lunchtime<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Brad deposits Hope in her highchair and straps her down.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Brad: “Ruby, would you like to play <a href="http://www.starfall.com/">Starfall</a>
while I get lunch going?”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Ruby pulls herself into her chair at the kitchen table: “I want macaroni
for lunch.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Brad: “You always want macaroni. I think we should have something else.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Ruby: “But I want macaroni because after lunch we will take naps and
when we wake up we will have lots of energy and then we will go to the park and
maybe the pool.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Brad thinks ~ <i>that was almost a coherent
argument, I think. It was definitely</i> <i>an
accurate order of events. Should I reward that?</i><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Brad: “Okay, we can have macaroni.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Ruby: “But while I wait for dinner, I can play Starfall.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Brad: “Its lunch, but yes.”<br />
Hope starts to fuss: <span style="color: #0070c0;">{HEY, YO. I’ve been sittin’ in
this chair for, like, 1 minute. Where is the FOOD?}</span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Brad: “It will be just a minute, Hope.” Brad pulls the computer over and
starts up Starfall. “Now Ruby, remember that you can only play Starfall as long
as you aren’t sucking your thumb. If I see you sucking your thumb, you’ll be
done playing Starfall for now. Do you understand?”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Ruby, obviously believing that the question is ‘do you comprehend
English in any manner’ says: “Yes, Daddy.” She then looks at the screen. “I
wanna do Numbers.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Brad: “Okay.” Brings up the numbers section and lets her go for it.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Brad puts a pot of water on the stove to boil.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Hope: <span style="color: #0070c0;">{HEY. I know you prolly forgot I was
here and all, but I could really use some food before I full on pass OUT.}</span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Brad: “I think that’s a little overly dramatic.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Hope: <span style="color: #0070c0;">{Oh Yeah? I’m tiny, and have a super
small stomach. Also, I just learned to crawl, so I need my sustenance to keep
up my mad crawling SKILLZ.}<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Brad gets a carton of orange baby food and peels back the wrapper.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Gus has been contentedly doing something toddlerish in the living room: <span style="color: #0070c0;">{Hark, is that a container of foodstuffs being opened?}</span>
He run-bumbles into the kitchen: “THAT!?
BITE!” <span style="color: #0070c0;">{Father, I heard the emergence of
some delicious morsel. Please deposit said morsel into my eating orifice, that
I might sample it.}</span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Brad: “There is no way you actually heard me open this.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Gus: <span style="color: #0070c0;">{Au Contraire. I’ve found that, when it
comes to matters of the palate, I seem to have keen, superhuman senses.}</span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Brad: “Well, that’s great, but this isn’t for you. Go play.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Gus sees Ruby playing Starfall. <span style="color: #0070c0;">{Ah, the
interactive cartoon program. Delightful.}</span> He pulls a chair out from the
table and pulls his baby-body up onto it so he can take a closer look.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Brad begins feeding Hope, who squeaks and squeals anytime the supply of
food is delayed for more than 3 seconds.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Ruby: “DADDEEE, Gussie is messing up my Starfall.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Gus, who has belly-flopped onto the table-top in order to reach the
keyboard, is pressing the PG DN key repeatedly: <span style="color: #0070c0;">{I
find the clicks of this movie machine invigorating.}</span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Brad: “Gus, get down.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Gus gives Brad a measuring look and then slides back into the chair.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
While distracted by The Baby Show, Brad has inadvertently moved the
container of baby food within Hope’s reach.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Hope, grabbing the half-full cup and pulling on it violently: <span style="color: #0070c0;">{WHAT UP, FOO! I got my own plan now. Gimme them
yummies.}</span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Orange baby food is now all over her high-chair, her hands, and her onesie.
Brad salvages as much as he can and cleans her up.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Ruby wails. Gus has bellied back onto the table and shut the lid of the
computer.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Gus: <span style="color: #0070c0;">{HA HA, The Day is Mine!}</span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Ruby, cry-wailing: “Dahdee, Gubbie dup die barball und cow tricam tray
cucumbers bile irate Formica pony.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Brad: “Ruby, its fine. Here.” Opens the lid back up and Starfall
immediately pops back up. Brad puts the
baby food well away from Hope, picks up Gus and deposits him in the living
room, closing the baby-gate.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Gus begins crying: “DADDEE.” <span style="color: #0070c0;">{Why would you
leave me in here alone? I just want to love you.}</span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Brad: “Really? Cuz it seems like you just want to torment your sister.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Gus, still crying: “Daddie.” <span style="color: #0070c0;">{I’m a young
male. That’s how we show love.}<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Brad comes back to the table, but
then notices the water is boiling, so puts in the macaroni.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Hope kicks her highchair with her ridiculous baby strength: <span style="color: #0070c0;">{Get back over here or I will straight up break this high
chair and come smack you.}</span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Brad finally finishes feeding Hope, then makes her a bottle and places
it in front of her. “Knock yourself out.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Hope grabs the bottle and puts it in her mouth. Brad turns. Ruby is a little
zombie, staring at Starfall. Her thumb is in her mouth.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Brad puts a hand gentle on her head and readies himself: “Honey, you’re
sucking your thumb. That means we are done with Starfall for now.” He hits
Ctrl+f4 on the keyboard, and Starfall closes.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Ruby explodes: <span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">“AEHAEHAEAEHAEHAEAEHAEHAEHAEHAEHAEHAEHAEHAEHAEHAEHAEHAEHAEH</span>”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Brad: “Sweetheart, calm down. I told you this would happen if you sucked
your thumb.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Ruby’s hair has begun to fan out and stick up, her face is splotchy red
with tears. Dogs down the street begin barking: <span style="font-size: 20.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">“AaAAaAAAaaaAAAaAAaAaAaAAaAAaaAAaaaAAAAaAAAaaaaAAA.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Brad takes a few deep breaths and reminds himself that he is dealing
with a toddler: “Ruby, if you don’t calm down, we won’t play Starfall anymore,
because you can’t seem to handle it. Now breathe”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Ruby, gulps some air. “Eye juice billy wanatoe flay Barfly bile weigh
core iMac Arrow knee.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Brad processes that for a second: “Well, I appreciate that, but we
agreed on the thumb sucking thing. Besides, you will get to play Starfall
again. And the macaroni is almost done.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Ruby: “Eye want uh bupple bow.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Brad keeps from rolling his eyes at his daughter: “Okay.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Hope: <span style="color: #0070c0;">{Yo, dropped the bottle.}</span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Brad picks it up and puts it back on her tray.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Brad finishes up the macaroni. Brad puts Gus in his chair, then goes
over to dish the macaroni into bowls.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Gus, seeing the macaroni, begins to cry: <span style="color: #0070c0;">{I
see that you have life-giving morsels, yet it is beyond reach! Are you some
sort of monster?}<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Brad: “You’re fine, buddy. It will just be a minute. It’s too hot still.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Gus wails: <span style="color: #0070c0;">{I am wasting away!}</span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Brad begins to sing the ‘<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9kn6Z2Mop5I">Have Patience’ song</a>. Gus
calms a little.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Hope: <span style="color: #0070c0;">{BOTTLE!}<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Brad picks it up and puts it back on her tray.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
He pours milk for Ruby and gives Gus his Sippy. Gus just cries louder,
stubbornly refusing to drink it. Brad then puts out the macaroni. Gus slaps the
bowl, sending it to the floor. While reaching for the macaroni, Ruby knocks
over her cup of milk.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Brad breathes for a few minutes, loudly, through his nose.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Then he cleans everything up,gets more milk for Ruby, more macaroni for Gus, and sits
down at the table wondering if it is too late to get his old job back. <i>Why did I think I could do this?</i><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
After a few bites, Ruby stops: “Daddy, we didn’t pray.’<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Brad sighs: “You’re right. Go ahead and pray for us.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Gus: “Pay!” and clasps his little hands together.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Ruby: “Dear Jesus, thank you for this day. Thank you for Daddy and Mommy
and Gussie and baby Hope and macaroni and milk. Amen.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Gus: “AWMN.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Brad smiles a little: “Thank you, Honey. That was great.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Ruby, very serious face: “Daddy, did you know that Jesus died?”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Brad blinks: “Yeah honey, I did.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Ruby gets big eyes: “But he came back to life.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Brad looks at her a moment.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Ruby takes a bite of macaroni and smiles at Brad.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Brad smiles back.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
There is a small thunk under the table.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Hope: <span style="color: #0070c0;">{Hey, sorry to break up this precious
moment, but BOTTLE YO.}<o:p></o:p></span></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11166048399071017823noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2844881757400912368.post-53335311561560197712013-07-05T22:18:00.003-05:002013-07-05T22:18:45.287-05:00A Day in the Life: Not As Planned<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">First, I traveled 30 minutes away with 2 toddlers to pick up the last pieces of a shed some friends were nice enough to give us, just to discover that all that was left was 2 small paving stones that the frame rested on - which I have dozens of lying around my backyard.</span><div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Second, I drove back 30 minutes to Costco to pick up some <a href="http://www.preen.com/">Preen</a>, waited 20 minutes until the Costco opened, and discovered that they no longer carry it.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Third, I went to a park district pool center to get my picture taken for my ID, to find that they are the only pool center of the 3 that can't do it, and the next closest place closes in 5 min - it is 10 minutes away.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Fourthly, I went to Home Depot to get a new tank sprayer, some Preen, and some Velcro strips to secure my daughters black-out shades. The tank sprayers I would have preferred had been strangely opened and badly taped closed; Home Depot doesn't seem to carry Preen either; but I did get the Velcro strips.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Finally, we decided to get pizza for dinner from Little Caesar, and called ahead for their Hawaiian Pizza. When we arrived, the gentleman behind the counter had no record that we ever called.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">BUT</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I got to spend the day with my kids, who were fairly well-behaved--we had fun new ice cream for lunch from the Korean grocery store down the street; and when we got home from picking up my wife from work and had finished our sausage pizza dinner, my kids danced together in the living room for us like laughing, delighted, dervishes.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I got to pray with them and sing them goodnight, and then relax for a few hours with my wife.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">such a good day.</span></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11166048399071017823noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2844881757400912368.post-91846404599712020952013-07-03T15:07:00.002-05:002013-07-03T15:07:59.445-05:00The BabyShow: Quick Trip to the Market<div class="MsoNormal">
Players: Brad, Gus, Ruby<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Location: Local produce market<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
As they enter the store, Brad grabs a cart.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Ruby: “I don’t want to go in the cart.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Brad: “If you can stay near me and be a good listener, I’ll
let you walk. Can you do that?”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Ruby, apparently believing the question is <i>are you able to walk</i>: “Yes, daddy.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Brad picks Gus up and puts him in the cart, and straps him
in.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Gus: <b><span style="font-size: 11.0pt;">{</span></b><span style="color: #0070c0;">Is this some
sort of racing machine in which I need to be strapped down for my own
well-being?}</span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Brad: “No, it’s a shopping cart. You are being strapped down
for <i>my</i> well-being.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Brad then speaks a curse upon himself: “Okay kids, we have
20 minutes to just grab a few things before we head to the Woodhouse’s to play.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
They begin walking through the store and before they even
get to the first aisle, Ruby runs ahead to look at the bananas, cutting off
several elderly people.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Brad reacts to this as if Ruby took an octogenarian’s cane
and began beating the poor woman while she lay helpless on the tile floor: “RUBY,
I told you to stay near me. Are we going to have a listening problem?”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Ruby, who believes that her ability to comprehend language
is unimpaired: “No, daddy.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The BabyShow makes it down the first aisle, obtaining
bananas. In the second aisle, they stop in front of the plums.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Brad begins poking plums.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Gus: “THAT!?” <span style="color: #0070c0;">{What are those
things that you are prodding?}<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Brad is considering whether Poking Plums would be a good
band name: “Sorry, what?”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Gus: <span style="color: #0070c0;">{Are we having a listening
problem?}</span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Brad: “These are plums, Gus.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Meanwhile, Ruby’s cuteness has been receiving rave reviews
from people walking by, and that has made her forget all else. She runs around
the corner of a produce aisle.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Brad: “Ruby, come back.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Ruby comes back and The BabyShow marches on.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
This continues for 4 more rows.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Finally, Ruby has been dancing (which for her is indistinguishable
from frenetic monkey jumping), gets in the way of a kindly-looking older lady.
The old lady smiles at Ruby, and looks up at Gus and Brad.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Brad grabs Ruby’s hand and pulls her back out of the way: “Sorry
about that.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
What Nice, Older Lady actually says: “That’s quite all right,
she’s adorable.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
What Brad hears: “You’re lack of parenting skills is only
just overlooked because your children, while misbehaved, are cute.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Brad picks up Ruby: “You haven’t been listening and you keep
running around when I’ve asked you to stay nearby. I’m putting you in the cart.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Brad puts her in the carts main basket with the groceries.
As there is a sign on the cart saying not to place children in the cart this
way, Brad is now convinced that he is a social pariah and will be asked to
leave the store.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
When Brad returns to the back of the cart, Gus is eating an
apricot from the closest display case.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Brad: “No Gussie, we don’t eat the food right off the shelf.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Gus grunts: <span style="color: #0070c0;">{Well, that’s just
ridiculous. Who puts food out where other people can see it if they don’t want
it to be eaten immediately?}</span> Gus takes another bite of apricot.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Brad quickly grabs the last item that he was looking for and
then looks at his watch.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
40 minutes has passed.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Brad quickly wheels the cart to the front. All open cash
registers have lines. Brad sadly decides it would be quicker to just put
everything back and leave. He does so.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
They quickly leave the store and get in their car and drive
away. It is not until 5-10 minutes later that Brad realized that they did not
pay for the apricot Gus ate.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11166048399071017823noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2844881757400912368.post-12327569699707696332013-07-01T22:33:00.000-05:002013-07-01T22:33:00.406-05:00The ThrowDown: Ruby Vs. Wedding Activities<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<b><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">ROUND 1:</span></b><span class="apple-converted-space"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"> Wedding Rehearsal<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span class="apple-converted-space"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">As Flower Girl (or the
title she was bestowed by the Bride – Flower Princess), Ruby was required to be
at the wedding rehearsal. After walking down the aisle with the RingBearers (or
Kings of the Ring), the Bride wanted to see if the kids could stand on the
stage during the ceremony so people could see their overwhelming cuteness. It
is understandable that the Bride would want to harness this power for her own
use – if baby and toddler cuteness could be converted to electricity we would
easily solve the energy crisis—but the issue is that the Bride’s plan <i>required toddlers to stand still for more
than 30 seconds</i>. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span class="apple-converted-space"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">The parents mentioned this
issue to the Bride and the wedding planner, but we were all willing to give it
a shot at the rehearsal. Within 5 minutes, the kids were all over the stage. At
one point we lost Ruby and one of the Ring Kings, and heard a shattering from
stage left. The two of them had snuck behind a partition, jostled it in their
toddler glee, and sent a 4” diameter, 4’ tall, glass candle holder plummeting
to the earth. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span class="apple-converted-space"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">While the Ring King was
blamed for actual destructive actions, all parties involved agree that he was likely
convinced to act thusly by one Flower Princess</span></span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<i><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">WINNER: </span></i><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Wedding Activities. Toddlers have 2
settings-Moving and Sleeping. They move while they eat, they move while they
use the potty, they really even move while they sleep—just less. The toddler is
doomed to fail at any activity that relies on stillness.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<b><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">ROUND 2:<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span></span></b><span class="apple-converted-space"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"> Walking Down the Aisle<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span class="apple-converted-space"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Traditionally, Flower
Girls throw petals onto the walkway as they come down the aisle. However, in
this particular case, our Flower Princess was relieved of this duty. All she
had to do was hold the hand of the Ring Kings—who weren’t carrying rings—and walk
from the back of the sanctuary, down the aisle, up a small flight of stairs,
and stand on the stage until the officiate asked everyone to be seated—we all
finally agreed that standing up there the whole time was asking for disaster.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span class="apple-converted-space"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">This process went swimmingly
in rehearsal; however, the Flower Princess didn’t wear her dress during the
rehearsal.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span class="apple-converted-space"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">During the ceremony, as
she climbed the stairs at the end of the aisle, she kept stepping on the hem of
the dress. She couldn’t lift the dress out of her way because both hands were
being held by a Ring King. So, she began tripping up the stairs.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<i><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">WINNER:<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span></span></i><span class="apple-converted-space"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Ruby. Thanks to her inherent toddler
cuteness, her dress/walking issues came across as adorable rather than
troubling. Also, the Ring Kings kept things moving by literally dragging her up
the steps. All in all, it simply added a fond and cute memory to the ceremony.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<b><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">ROUND 3:<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span></span></b><span class="apple-converted-space"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Reception Dinner<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span class="apple-converted-space"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Most of the dinner doesn’t
require comment. However, the wedding favors were a seemingly unending supply
of cake pops—white cake or red velvet cake.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span class="apple-converted-space"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Ruby was the Flower
Princess, Ruby was in a beautiful dress, Ruby has no shame—she simply walked up
to any one and every one and requested a cake pop.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span class="apple-converted-space"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Who is going to say no?<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<i><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">WINNER:</span></i><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"> Ruby. She worked the system like a
pro. I shed a little tear, I was so proud.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<b><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">ROUND 4: </span></b><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Reception Pictures/Speeches/Etc<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">But now we have a sugared-up toddler who
has been seated right next to where all the reception activities are taking
place. At some point, Ruby decided that this was <i>her</i> wedding, and started out onto the dance floor in the middle of
the cake cutting, and the speeches, and any other traditional reception
activity; because the Flower Princess decided that she needed to be in every
picture.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<i><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">WINNER:</span></i><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"> Wedding Activities. The Flower
Princess eventually had to be escorted from the room by the Flower King in
order to stop disturbing the proceedings.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<b><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">ROUND 5:<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span></span></b><span class="apple-converted-space"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"> Dancing<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span class="apple-converted-space"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">The combination of sugar
and dress-enhanced toddler cuteness reached its zenith during the dancing. Ruby
was allowed back on the premises and danced the night away. Her dancing
consists of a lot of jumping, arm-flailing, and falling down—the way drunk,
white adults dance. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<i><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">WINNER:</span></i><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"> Ruby. Her somewhat spastic dancing was
so full of joy and giddiness that it made all who saw it laugh in delight. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<b><u><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">VICTOR:<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span></span></u></b><span class="apple-converted-space"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"> RUBY.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">She
had a great time and she behaved decently well—didn’t have any of her
melt-downs in non-relative public. Also, even though she ate enough sugar to
kill a small rhino, she danced it all off and fell promptly to sleep. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11166048399071017823noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2844881757400912368.post-30978394274907695372013-06-26T20:04:00.001-05:002013-06-26T20:15:40.587-05:00The Baby Show: Parent Paranoia<div class="MsoNormal">
Players: Brad, Gus, Ruby<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Location: McDonalds Play Place<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Brad purchases the smallest, cheapest cup of coffee in order
to be ‘legit’ and then ushers Ruby into the PlayPlace area.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Brad: “Okay, sweetuh, take off your shoes and go play.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Ruby does so. Brad willfully ignores the sign that says that
all children must wear socks-he has brought socks for neither of his children.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Gus, in the Backpack, slaps Brad soundly about the back of
head and neck: <span style="color: #0070c0;">{MALE PARENT, release me and allow
me to go forth and conquer!}</span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Brad, who has a neck sunburn, winces: “HEY, ouchie. We need
to cut your nails.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Brad pulls the backpack off and unstraps Gus. Brad also
takes Gus’s shoes off and hopes no one notices.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
For several minutes, Ruby runs all around the structure,
calling every so often to have Brad look at her and give her some sort of
toddler encouragement. Gus climbs up the
first few levels before he reaches an area he can’t scale.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Gus: <span style="color: #0070c0;">{MAN GUARDIAN, come and
hoist me up this height, that I may continue to the summit.}</span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Brad: “I’m not allowed on the play set, Gusser.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Gus: <span style="color: #0070c0;">{Pish Tosh, when seeking
grand adventure, rules are made to be broken. Now come, be a </span><a href="http://history1900s.about.com/od/1950s/qt/mteverest.htm">Tenzing Norgay
to my Edmund Hillary</a><span style="color: #0070c0;">.}</span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Brad: “Did you seriously just compare a McDonalds PlayPlace
to Everest? I’m not coming up.”<br />
Gus: <span style="color: #0070c0;">{I’ll make sure that the National Sherpa’s
Alliance hears of this and revokes your membership.}</span> He begins
clambering down.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Brad: “You do that.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Meanwhile, Ruby goes down the slide and bumps into the same
little girl for the 3<sup>rd</sup> or 4<sup>th</sup> time. They both laugh, so
Brad thinks nothing of it.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
However, on the other side of the room, a largish man stands
and walks over. He has a minute or so conversation with the little girl in an
Eastern European dialect. Rationally, Brad is sure that it has little to
nothing to do with him or the kids, but irrationally he assumes the
conversation is as follows – <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 1.0in; text-indent: -.5in;">
Eastern European
Father (EEF): “<i>You should not let that
little blond girl bump into you. She is obviously poorly raised, as her father
cannot even afford socks.”<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 1.0in; text-indent: -.5in;">
Eastern European
Daughter (EED): “<i>But daddy, I took pity
upon her because, while she and I both have the blond hair, her father could
not be bothered to comb hers. She is neglected and unloved, and therefore deserves
every kindness from us.”<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 1.0in; text-indent: -.5in;">
EEF: <i>“I am proud of your kindness and generosity,
but as your father and protector I must remove you from this place before this
girl whose father has yet to clean her face today gives you some sort of
disease from her dirtiness. Come along.”<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 1.0in; text-indent: -.5in;">
EED: <i>“As I have been raised correctly, I shall
lovingly obey and come at your request, unlike these two wild children who have
never been taught respect for their elders.”<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The father and daughter leave and paranoid Brad drinks his
coffee till they are out of the building, then immediately grabs a wet wipe and
cleans Ruby’s face.<o:p></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11166048399071017823noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2844881757400912368.post-50544442139118661772013-06-24T19:56:00.001-05:002013-06-24T19:56:20.176-05:00Child Cheat Codes: Shopping for new glasses<div class="MsoNormal">
Often, I find that the most helpful time savers don’t really
have anything to do with the kids directly. They are things that save me time
on my personal errands so that I have more time to spend doing the kid things. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
With that in mind, may I present <a href="http://www.warbyparker.com/">Warby Parker</a>. <a href="http://www.warbyparker.com/">Warby Parker</a> sells glasses, both online
and in retail stores. I went to their site and set up an account. I then
started browsing both their normal glasses and their sunglasses. The prices range
from $95 to $150, depending on in which glasses you are interesting, but $95 is
fair more common for normal glasses. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Also, you can load a picture of yourself into their system
and their site will do a mock-up of what you would look like in those glasses.
I find that it is really only good to get a slightly more than general idea of
how any pair would look on you, but it did help me weed some things out.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
My issue with purchasing things online, especially clothes
and accessories, was that you are never sure how it is actually going to fit or
look until you get it. Then, if it doesn’t fit, you have to hassle with a
return. <a href="http://www.warbyparker.com/">Warby Parker</a> helps with that.
First, you can look up a retail establishment near you that carries the glasses
in which you are interested and go to try them on. That’s nice. This is nicer: <a href="http://www.warbyparker.com/">Warby Parker</a> will send you up to 5 pairs
of glasses for you to try on, in your home, free. You do not pay for shipping
either to your house or back to <a href="http://www.warbyparker.com/">Warby
Parker</a> when you are done. You get to try them for 5 days, then you send
them back. As soon as you send them back, you can order 5 more pair. It takes
about 2-3 days for the package to get to you. They include a return label in
the package, so all you have to do is slap it on the box and either schedule a
pickup or drop it off at a UPS store.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I hate shopping for glasses, so this has revolutionized my
glasses experience.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Now, they do ask you for credit card information for your
free try-on’s as a sort of insurance if you keep the glasses too long; however,
if you get the glasses back to them in time, there are absolutely no charges on
your card.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I do wish that Warby Parker had a little more Men’s
selection, but that’s more because I have a gargantuan, mal-shaped cranium that
I lug about.<o:p></o:p></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11166048399071017823noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2844881757400912368.post-48042598871622553682013-06-21T14:59:00.000-05:002013-06-21T14:59:16.184-05:00The Baby Show: The Great NapTime Adventure: Part 2<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Players:
Brad, Gus, Ruby; Buhn-Buhn, Monkey Wayne, Ow-Woe, Tigger, Woofie<br />
Location: Gus’s Room, mostly.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">---Continued
from <a href="http://bradathome.blogspot.com/2013/06/the-baby-show-great-naptime-adventure.html">Part
1</a>---<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="background: white; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Gus eyes the furniture surrounding his bed.<span class="apple-converted-space"><span style="color: #444444;"> </span></span></span><span style="color: #0070c0;">{Now let's see....}<br />
</span>After Brad’s adjustments to the headboard, the bed seems surrounded on
all sides. The foot of the bed and one side are against the wall. The headboard
is now become an impenetrable blanket-wall. The only hope of escape lies on the
other long-side of the bed.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="background: white; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Gus: <span style="color: #0070c0;">{So here is what we have,
chaps. As you know, the south-west edge of the bed-plateau is blocked off by
the baby-gate contraption. Most of the north-west corner is blocked my
dresser-mountain, with the extreme north-west corner consisting of
bedpost-spire and rocking chair-cliff. I would welcome any sage words on the
predicament.}</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="background: white; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Buhn-Buhn: <span style="color: #ffc000;">{Listen, brah. I think
I can speak for the group when I say that this is a mondo bad idea.}</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="background: white; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Tigger: <span style="color: #ffc000;">{HOE HOE, I think that adventure
is always a good idea.}</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="background: white; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Monkey Wayne: <span style="color: #ffc000;">{Shut it, Mr. Trouncy-Pouncey Pants.}</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="background: white; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Gus: <span style="color: #0070c0;">{I think I have it. Dad-Man
has left the top of dresser-mountain bare. I believe I can pull myself up onto
the peak, and then lower myself down the other side.}</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="background: white; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Monkey Wayne: <span style="color: #ffc000;">{Gus, I have to
stop you there. I can’t condone that course of action unless you have some sort
of climbing equipment, or at least a utility belt.}<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="background: white; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Gus: <span style="color: #0070c0;">{No time to dally, my hesitant monkey. Fortune favors the foolish!}</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="background: white; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Gus comes up to one side of the dresser and grabs a side edge
with one hand while reaching as far as he can toward the far edge. He then
hoists his milk-belly as far up as it will go, and pushes off the child-safety
railing with one foot. As he slides across the top of the dresser, he is able
to grab the far edge and pull himself the rest of the way.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="background: white; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Gus: <span style="color: #0070c0;">{HUZZAH! I have scaled the
slopes of dresser-mountain.}</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="background: white; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Ow-Woe: <span style="color: #ffc000;">{What’s it like up there,
young master?}</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="background: white; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Gus: <span style="color: #0070c0;">{It’s cold, the wind has a
chill in it. Also, I find that I’m easily made short of breath, but the view is
fantastic!}</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="background: white; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">The bedroom door opens violently as Brad comes running from
the kitchen.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="background: white; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Buhn-Buhn: <span style="color: #ffc000;">{It’s the fuzz. Act
natural.}</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="background: white; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Brad grabs Gus and deposits him forcibly back in bed. “NO
Gus. Do not ever climb up there. It’s dangerous. <i>DO NOT GET ON THE DRESSER</i>.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="background: white; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Gus: <span style="color: #0070c0;">{I’m sorry to say that I
have already fallen in love with the exhilaration of scaling the tallest peaks.
In all honesty, I cannot assure you that I will not seek that glorious height
again.}</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="background: white; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Brad: “I appreciate your honesty.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="background: white; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Brad moves the changing table mat onto the top of the dresser
and adjusts it so there is little room for anything else.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="background: white; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Gus: <span style="color: #0070c0;">{Well played, sir.}</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="background: white; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Brad: “Now go to sleep before I lash you to the bed.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="background: white; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Gus lies down and rolls over on his front, straight as a
board, with his face completely buried in the mattress: (<i>Muffled) </i><span style="color: #0070c0;">{Boo mihn dis mowd, thuh.}</span><b><u><o:p></o:p></u></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="background: white; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Brad closes the door.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="background: white; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Gus pushes himself up into <a href="http://www.easternct.edu/mt-static/tummersn/snake%20pose.JPG">snake position</a>.
<span style="color: #0070c0;">{I do love a challenge.}</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="background: white; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Gus stands and analyzes dresser-mountain: <span style="color: #0070c0;">{Well,
that’s out.}</span> He walks up and down the edge of the bed several times.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="background: white; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Woofie: <span style="color: #ffc000;">{WOOF!}</span><span style="color: #0070c0;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="background: white; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Gus: <span style="color: #0070c0;">{What’s that, boy?}</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="background: white; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Woofie: <span style="color: #ffc000;">{WOOF, WUF}</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="background: white; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Gus: <span style="color: #0070c0;">{Really?}</span> Gus goes
down to the foot of the bed. There is a 2-inch gap between the end of the Child
Safety Gate and the wall. <span style="color: #0070c0;">{Well done, boy}<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="background: white; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Gus turns around, drops onto his belly, and backs-up toward
the gap. He puts his right chubby toddler foot through the gap and down onto
the bed's frame. As he puts weight onto it and stands, the Child Safety Gate gives
a little against his baby mass. He lowers his left leg down, but as left foot
touches the floor, his right foot slips and his left leg falls through the
metal bed frame, trapping him. He tries to free himself for several minutes.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="background: white; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Gus: <span style="color: #0070c0;">{Well, gentlemen, I seem to
have encountered a bit of a kerfuffle.}</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="background: white; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Ow-Woe: <span style="color: #ffc000;">{There is little we can
do for you at this juncture, young sire. You seem bent on injuring yourself in
some way, or at least enraging the leader of your aerie}</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="background: white; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Tigger: <span style="color: #ffc000;">{Just call out to
Christopher Robin again there, chum. He’s always good for a hand and a bit of
milk extract.}</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="background: white; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Gus sighs, works himself up for good measure: “DAAAADEEEEEEEE,
DAADEEE!”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="background: white; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Brad opens the door and turns on the light.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="background: white; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Brad: “Seriously, Goose?” Brad lifts Gus out of the hole and
puts him back in bed.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="background: white; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Brad eyes the gap between wall and gate for a moment, sighs,
and then rearranges all the furniture in the room.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="background: white; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">When Brad has finished, the bed is in the same place, but the
rocking chair has moved into the far corner, and the dresser has been pushed
away from the large opening for the bed, making for a <i>very</i> easy entrance –and exit—to the bed.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="background: white; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Brad: “There you go. Run yourself ragged.” Brad turns off the
light and closes the door.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="background: white; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Gus: <span style="color: #0070c0;">{Lads, could this possibly
be some clever ruse meant to throw us off our game?}</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="background: white; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Ow-Woe: <span style="color: #ffc000;">{Perhaps you wore him
down.}</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="background: white; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Gus needs no more enticement. For the next 30 minutes his
runs in circles around the floor of his room, pulls open drawers, dumps all his
shoes on the floor, gets his coterie out of the bed and spreads them across the
floor, pulls out every book in his room even though it is far too dark to read
and he’s illiterate.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="background: white; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Finally, Gus: <span style="color: #0070c0;">{Well, chaps, I
believe I am a bit tuckered. I believe I’ll just close my eyes for second.}</span>
Gus lies down on the floor directly in front of the door, squirms around a bit
more, and finally falls asleep.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="background: white; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Brad has been in the kitchen, watching the unfolding of the nap debacle, unable to fully relax or start really accomplishing anything due to
Gus’s constant potential need for saving. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="background: white; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">When Gus finally falls asleep, Brad exhales: “Thank the Good
Lord.” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="background: white; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">He starts to stand up, when he hears a door open down the
hall. Thinking that somehow Gus has suddenly woken and learned to open doors,
he glances at the baby monitor. Gus is still asleep on the floor.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="background: white; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">From down the hall, Ruby: “Daddy, I’m awake!”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="background: white; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Brad falls back down into his chair, huffing, and wonders how
much gypsies actually pay for small children.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11166048399071017823noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2844881757400912368.post-41258433743216275992013-06-20T14:37:00.002-05:002013-06-20T15:17:11.355-05:00The Baby Show: The Great NapTime Adventure, Part 1.<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Players: Brad, Gus, Ruby<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Location: Gus's Room<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">The Baby Show has all gone
down for a nap, and Brad is thinking of doing something productive in the back
yard. He has a video baby monitor with him to check up on Gus and Hope.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Gus has been sleeping in a
"big boy" bed for a few weeks. However, it is shoved up against the
corner of a wall and furniture is pushed up against the long open side to keep
him from getting out. The short open side is mostly blocked by the headboard,
and leads to The Chasm - a point of no return.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Gus has been running in
circles on his bed for 15 minutes, not showing the least bit of tired. He has
fallen down twice, smacking his head directly into the wall both times - with
seeming little effect. Monkey Wayne, Tigger, Ow-Woe, Woofie, and Buhn-Buhn are all
in bed with him as he runs haphazard over them.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Gus:<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span></span><span style="color: #0070c0; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">{HUZZAH! Come lads, join me in my revelry! The lights are out
and we have free reign over this bouncy kingdom.}</span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Woofie:<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span></span><span style="color: #ffc000; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">{WOOF!}</span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Ow-Woe:<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span></span><span style="color: #ffc000; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">{Remember, young master, that we are but fabric and stuffing. We
have no ability at motion without your assistance.}</span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Gus:<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span></span><span style="color: #0070c0; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">{Quite right, O wise Ow-Woe.}</span><span class="apple-converted-space"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Grabs Buhn-Buhn<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span></span><span style="color: #0070c0; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">{Are you ready for</span><span class="apple-converted-space"><span style="color: blue; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";"> </span></span><i><span style="color: blue; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">ADVENTURE</span></i><span style="color: #0070c0; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";"> fuzzy friend?}</span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Buhn-Buhn:<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span></span><span style="color: #ffc000; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">{Dude, you are really harshing my mellow.}</span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Gus:<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span></span><span style="color: #0070c0; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">{Once more into the breach, Lazy Bunny!}</span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Gus throws Buhn-Buhn into
the Chasm.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Gus looks over the
headboard:<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span></span><span style="color: #0070c0; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">{How fair you?}</span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Buhn-Buhn:<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span></span><span style="color: #ffc000; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">{It is heinously dark down here.}</span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Gus:<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span></span><span style="color: #0070c0; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">{Fear not, I shall retrieve you!}</span><span class="apple-converted-space"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">"DADDUH!...DADDUH!......DADDUH!.........dadduh?"<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Gus:<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span></span><span style="color: #0070c0; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">{Help is not forthcoming, I shall retrieve you myself.}</span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Monkay Wayne:<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span></span><span style="color: #ffc000; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">{I don't think that's a good idea, Gus. There is no guarantee
that you will be able to get back up yourself.}</span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Ow-Woe:<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span></span><span style="color: #ffc000; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">{I must concur.}</span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Gus:<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span></span><span style="color: #0070c0; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">{Pushah, There is nothing to fear except fear itself...and
perhaps large, stuffed, fish.}</span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Gus squeezes himself
between the headboard and the mattress, having to turn his head side-wise in
order to fit, but he does make it into The Chasm.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Gus:</span><span class="apple-converted-space"><span style="color: blue; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";"> </span></span><span style="color: #0070c0; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">{Victory is mine! I shall take a moment to reveal in my triumph
and look around.}</span><span class="apple-converted-space"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">He spies a plug sticking
out of a socket.<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span></span><span style="color: #0070c0; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">{I wonder what this
does.}</span><span class="apple-converted-space"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Gus pulls the plug out of the wall.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Brad, who has been
watching the whole thing on the baby monitor, is now forced to get up, as Gus
has just unplugged the camera.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Brad opens Gus's door and
walks over to the head of the bed and leans over the rocking chair that's been
shoved there to keep Gus in bed. "Whatcha doin, Guster?"<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Gus:<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span></span><span style="color: #0070c0; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">{Exploring!}</span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Brad: "That's great,
but you should be sleeping." Brad pulls Gus and Buhn-Buhn out of The Chasm
and plugs the camera back in. "Now lie down and go to sleep."<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Gus lies down:<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span></span><span style="color: #0070c0; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">{Of course, so sorry}</span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Brad leaves. Before the
door is even fully closed Gus is up and moving toward the headboard.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Monkey Wayne:<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span></span><span style="color: #ffc000; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">{Gus, don't go back down there.}</span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Buhn-Buhn:<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span></span><span style="color: #ffc000; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">{Yeah, man. It's really a drag.}</span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Gus slows for a moment:<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span></span><span style="color: #0070c0; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">{Perhaps you are right.}</span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Tigger:<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span></span><span style="color: #ffc000; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">{HO HO, don't worry about it, Gusaroo! You'll be able to bounce
straight out. What's a day without a little FUN!}</span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Gus smiles and wedges
himself back through the hole in the headboard, but this time something goes
wrong.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Gus, with his body through
the gap but his head stuck in the headboard:<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span></span><span style="color: #0070c0; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">{LADS, SOMETHING SEEMS
TO BE AMISS!}</span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Buhn-Buhn:<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span></span><span style="color: #ffc000; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">{Told you, dude.}</span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Gus:<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span></span><span style="color: #0070c0; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">{Tigger! Help me!}</span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Tigger:<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span></span><span style="color: #ffc000; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">{Don't worry, Christopher Robin will be along to help.}</span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Gus:<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span></span><span style="color: #0070c0; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">{I DON'T THINK I HAVE A CHRISTOPHER ROBIN!}</span><span class="apple-converted-space"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">"DAAAAADEEEEEE."<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Brad comes running in a
second later, turning on the light. He quickly extricates Gus from his
predicament and deposits him back in bed. 'See, goofball? Stay in bed."<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Brad goes over to the
closet and pulls out a blanket. He climbs over the headboard and drops into The
Chasm. After several minutes, he has managed to wrap the blanket in such a way
that is blocks off Gus's entrance to The Chasm.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Brad: "Okay, now stop
goofing around and go to bed."<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Gus, standing on the
mattress:<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span></span><span style="color: #0070c0; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">{Too Right, Good show.
I'll do that right away.}</span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Brad waits a moment. They
stand staring at each other.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Brad: "Gus, LIE
DOWN."<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Gus:<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span></span><span style="color: #0070c0; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">{OH, right.}</span><span class="apple-converted-space"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Lies down, but continues
staring at Brad.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Brad: "Close your
eyes."<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Gus:<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span></span><span style="color: #0070c0; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">{Excellent suggestion}</span><span class="apple-converted-space"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Gus puts his toddler paws
over his eyes.<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span></span><span style="color: #0070c0; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">{There, all set. Good
night.}</span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Brad sighs and leaves.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Gus waits a beat, then quickly
rises and surveys the blanket covering his former escape.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Gus:<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span></span><span style="color: #0070c0; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">{Well, that is no longer an option. How else do you think we can
get out of here, friends?}</span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Monkey Wayne, Ow-Woe, and
Buhn-Buhn:<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span></span><span style="color: #ffc000; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">{GO TO SLEEP!}</span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Woofie:<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span></span><span style="color: #ffc000; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">{<i>WOOF}</i></span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Gus:<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span></span><span style="color: #0070c0; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">{But SIRS, it has only just started to get interesting}</span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Gus eyes the furniture
surrounding his bed.<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span></span><span style="color: #0070c0; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">{Now let's see....}</span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">--To be Continued--<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11166048399071017823noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2844881757400912368.post-76811381369358660212013-06-19T13:36:00.001-05:002013-06-19T13:36:39.471-05:00THE THROWDOWN: Ruby Vs. Daily Activities<b>ROUND 1:</b> Going Pee Pee<br />
Ruby can now use the restroom "all by herself," which means that she yells at people for privacy, doesn't need a toddler seat anymore, uses way too much toilet paper - clogging up the toilet about 15% of the time, needing to be reminded to wipe <i>all</i> the appropriate areas and then FLUSH, needs to be remind not to sit on the toilet reading books forever, and then ends each endeavor with her bathroom catchphrase: "I went pee-pee all by myself," which is often yelled at the top of her lungs in crowded eating establishments.<br />
<i>WINNER:</i> Ruby. Her bathroom habits might be annoying, but anything is better than changing diapers.<br />
<br />
<b>ROUND 2: </b>Putting on Clothes<br />
Ruby has a mini-meltdown at each level of clothes. She can't remember how to put on pants, or socks, or shoes, even though she has done these things dozens of times. She only remembers how to put on underwear, the only clothing she actually likes, resulting in her being clothed in little else most of the time. All other clothing items require constant reassurance and encouragement in order to get her to remember that <i>she just did this yesterday!</i><br />
<i>WINNER: </i>Clothes. It would be less frustrating and unimaginably quicker to just dress her myself. However, she just did figure out how to put on shirts, so there may be hope yet.<br />
<br />
<b>ROUND 3: </b>Eating<br />
If it is green, it better be round or look like a tree. If it is red, it better be a fruit. Otherwise, she won't eat it.<br />Also, she needs to eat in a deprivation chamber, otherwise you will be sitting at the kitchen table for an eon-moment waiting for her to even get just the next spoonful of food into her mouth - and this is food she claims to <i>LIKE.</i><br />
She will spill her drink. Usually twice. and on multiple surfaces simultaneously.<br />
<i>WINNER:</i> Eating. While Ruby now gets more food in her mouth than on the table, she misses out on a significant portion of deliciousness because she shuns food by shape and color. Also, she makes it impossible to keep our kitchen floor clean.<br />
<br />
<b>ROUND 4:</b> Carrying on a Conversation<br />
She speaks gibberish fluently. Learning gibberish yourself is of little help, because she will just switch to gobbeldy-gook, in which she is also fluent.<br />
She can understand English, but only speak it in barely coherent, day-long run-on sentences, or when she is actively crying - which makes her completely unintelligible.<br />
She also remembers every bad word or inappropriate phrase you have ever said and is waiting to use them at dinner parties with your pastor.<br />
<i>WINNER:</i> Ruby. When it is important, she can make herself understood. When she's in trouble, suddenly nothing she says makes sense. I'm convinced it is some sort of clever ruse.<br />
<br />
<b>ROUND 5: </b> Walking<br />
The way she slaps her feet on the ground, I'm surprised she has any toes left.<br />
She has a knack for choosing exactly the wrong shoe for the given circumstances: time to go run at the park - obviously that means her plastic, high-heeled, Minnie Mouse light up shoes.<br />
She veers <i>toward</i> obstacles. If there is a irregularity in the ground, or a toy in her way, or some sort of blockade just off the path, she goes directly toward it and deliberately tries to walk over it. She very often trips.<br />
She also trips over nothing, usually while running. If there is an extra heavy air molecule, she will find it and trip, resulting in bruised legs and skinned knees.<br />
<i>WINNER:</i> Walking. She has been lulled into a false sense of security, thinking she knows how to use her legs.<br />
<br />
<u style="font-weight: bold;">VICTOR: </u>Daily Activities.<br />
She is just too distracted to form any significant threat to her Daily Activities, but she is gaining.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11166048399071017823noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2844881757400912368.post-21715498826112842062013-06-18T14:42:00.001-05:002013-06-18T14:43:19.836-05:00Child Cheat Code: Teach your kid to read.My wife and I are pretty strict about what sort of media our children can ingest. Our daughter turns into a zombie whenever a computer, phone, or TV is about. Even more concerning is how much she retains from even a single viewing of any media content.<br />
<br />
Recently, we vetted the first website to which we were considering letting our 3 year old have regular access. It is a website called <a href="http://www.starfall.com/">Starfall.com</a>. It was recommend to us by some friends who had great success with it. They credit it as a major factor involved in their daughter learning to read early and being well ahead of her peers on reading level now.<br />
<br />
The free content includes pretty much everything you would need to get you kid reading. It starts off with the Alphabet, including sounds, word association, and even sign language. It then moves into phonics and basic reading.<br />
I was pretty impressed with it. My daughter loves it, I actually have to make her get off of it. Also, in just the week she has been using it, we have already seen a big improvement in her letter-sound recognition.<br />
<br />
We ended up paying the $35 yearly fee to get access to their expanded content, which includes colors, songs, math work, and such. Our daughter liked the Alphabet, but also wanted to be able to do other things, and we figured that if she could start learning math as well, $35 was worth it. I'll admit that I like having a safe, educational website that I can give to her so I can have a moment to make dinner, clean up a little, or just keep my head from exploding.<br />
<br />
As I said, I think that the site is great even if you don't buy the expanded content. Be ready to have to set limits on how much your kids can use it per day.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11166048399071017823noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2844881757400912368.post-32127475762351390442013-06-17T15:01:00.001-05:002013-06-20T15:10:40.447-05:00The BabyShow: It's inappropriate to give the Look Of Doom to a toddler.<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Players: Alex, Alex's Dad, Brad, Ruby<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Location: Alex's living
room.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Brad is standing in the
living room talking to Alex's Dad when Alex comes running in, jumps up on the
couch and stands next to his dad. There is a small, hushed exchange, then...<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Alex's Dad: "Alex, is
there something that you wanted to ask Mr. @Home?"<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Alex stands on the couch
and looks bashful: "Mr. @Home, I want to mawwy Wuby when I am a gwown-up
man."<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Brad crossed his arms and
thinks for a moment: "What are you offering as dowry, Alex?"<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Alex looks confused and
glances at his dad.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Alex's Dad: "Well, I
have an old pack-n-play we don't need, and I'm sure Alex could throw in his
bike. It still has the training wheels on it."<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Brad: "This is my
only daughter, my eldest. I can't tell her mom I gave her away for a
pack-n-play and a bike."<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Alex: "I have gwahm
cwackuhs!"<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Alex's Dad: "That's
right, we can throw in 3 boxes of graham crackers."<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Brad: "I do love
graham crackers."<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Alex's Dad: "I also
have a sword I can give you. It was an old birthday present, but my wife
doesn't like having it in the house."<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Brad's eyes light up, but
before he can answer, Ruby runs into the room. Brad stops her.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Brad: "Ruby, Alex
want's to marry you. What do you think about that?"<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Ruby looks Alex over </span><span style="color: #0070c0; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">{His dad's a doctor and
mom's a teacher, so he could be a smartie; If he takes after his dad, he could
be taller than me; he's a middle child, so he should learn how to take orders;
and he is a cutie.}</span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Ruby, who has been running
through Alex's house all day like the<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c54SvkgQ04A">Tasmanian Devil</a>, is
suddenly shy, standing with her head down and her finger in her mouth.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Brad narrows his eyes a
little: "Well, Ruby, would you like to marry Alex?"<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Ruby, coyly and a little
breathy: "Yeah."<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">All thoughts of dowry fly
out of his head and Brad has to remind himself that they are toddlers, which
quiets the Over-Protective Mental Firestorm: "Well, Alex...when you get to
be a grown-up man, talk it over with Ruby, and maybe you can ask me
again."<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Alex's Dad: "Is that
okay, Alex?"<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Alex nods and runs off to
play.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Brad does some quick math,
sighs, and discretely checks to see when his FOID expires.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11166048399071017823noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2844881757400912368.post-4080358159138619422013-06-13T15:51:00.001-05:002013-06-13T20:28:43.495-05:00THE THROWDOWN: Gus's Coterie Vs. Ruby's Menagerie <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<u>ROUND 1: Hand-Me-Downs</u></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<b>Gus - Jacob Bear</b></div>
<div class="" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-aj676MZ3EuI/UboYaFao-iI/AAAAAAAAAB4/dPZMTF4m5Gg/s1600/HandMeDown+-+Gus.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-aj676MZ3EuI/UboYaFao-iI/AAAAAAAAAB4/dPZMTF4m5Gg/s320/HandMeDown+-+Gus.jpg" width="240" /></a></div>
<div class="" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
Jacob Bear was made by Gus's Paternal Great-Grandma Ruby for Brad. Jacob once belonged to Gus's sister Ruby, but Ruby paid so little attention to him, that Jacob was moved into the Gus Camp. He holds a grudge.</div>
<div class="" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<b>Ruby - Peanut Butter</b></div>
<div class="" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-E2hsXWTEzqw/UboYb5MPIoI/AAAAAAAAACQ/-dag8rBYRFY/s1600/HandMeDown+-+Ruby.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-E2hsXWTEzqw/UboYb5MPIoI/AAAAAAAAACQ/-dag8rBYRFY/s320/HandMeDown+-+Ruby.jpg" width="240" /></a></div>
<div class="" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
Peanut Butter was originally from a pair of twins that were found and purchased by Ruby's mom and Auntie Bekah. Peanut Butter suffers from anxiety from being separated from her sister, Jelly.</div>
<div class="" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<b>WINNER: TIE</b> - Jacob Bear is older and has a richer history, but Gus ignores him only slightly less than Ruby ignored him. Peanut Butter's history isn't as dense and lovely, and far more filled with pain and loss, but at least Ruby occasionally lets Peanut Butter sleep in the bed, albeit shoved all the way in the corner, behind the pillow.</div>
<div class="" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<u>ROUND 2: The Guard Dogs</u></div>
<div class="" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<u><b>Gus: "Woofie" Alowishus Puppy</b></u></div>
<div class="" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-of9qoZqbLAw/UboYaLVhK9I/AAAAAAAAAB8/Yxiw1Qb7vlg/s1600/Dogs+-+Gus.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-of9qoZqbLAw/UboYaLVhK9I/AAAAAAAAAB8/Yxiw1Qb7vlg/s320/Dogs+-+Gus.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
Woofie is on loan from Ruby's Menagerie and currently advises Gus on all things dog-like and lickable. He is supposedly the guard dog of Gus's room, but he mostly sits around near the heat exchange being brown.</div>
<div class="" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<b>Ruby: Scottie Dog</b></div>
<div class="" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-sJ7jRLIAC68/UboYaI8OC3I/AAAAAAAAACA/GIdJ0h7tLZM/s1600/Dogs+-+Ruby.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-sJ7jRLIAC68/UboYaI8OC3I/AAAAAAAAACA/GIdJ0h7tLZM/s320/Dogs+-+Ruby.jpg" width="240" /></a></div>
<div class="" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
Scottie is on a mission to prove himself. Normally he is overshadowed by Woofie, but since Woofie is on loan to Gus, it's Scottie's time to shine. He is a much better guard dog than Woofie ever was, but is a little overzealous. His habit of waking up the "troops", as he calls the others in Ruby's Menagerie, with a bagpipe version of Taps has resulted in him being forcibly smothered at the bottom of the Menagerie Basket.</div>
<div class="" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<b>WINNER: RUBY</b> - Woofie's allegiance to Gus is in severe question.</div>
<div class="" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<u>ROUND 3: The Cuteness (Bunnies)</u></div>
<div class="" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<b>Gus: Buhn-Buhn the Floppy Bunny</b></div>
<div class="" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-4CkWeNgH4v8/UboYXuhFGgI/AAAAAAAAABk/YeHRnSKhzJ8/s1600/Bunnies+-+Gus.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-4CkWeNgH4v8/UboYXuhFGgI/AAAAAAAAABk/YeHRnSKhzJ8/s320/Bunnies+-+Gus.jpg" width="240" /></a></div>
<div class="" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
While not much to look at when he is just lying in a slump, in the hands of Gus he is an unstoppable <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/M1_garand">M1 Garand</a> of cuteness. Unfortunately, he has no other skills, and is a drain on the rest of the coterie. </div>
<div class="" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<b>Ruby: The Velveteen Rabbit</b></div>
<div class="" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-jwK_oyozhvQ/UboYXRUwIuI/AAAAAAAAABg/r3kUxx2-uMU/s1600/Bunnies+-+Ruby.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-jwK_oyozhvQ/UboYXRUwIuI/AAAAAAAAABg/r3kUxx2-uMU/s320/Bunnies+-+Ruby.jpg" width="240" /></a></div>
<div class="" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
This guy is trying way too hard. The others want to smack that smile right off his cutesy rabbit face.</div>
<div class="" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<b>WINNER: GUS</b> - Bow before the adorable might of Buhn-Buhn</div>
<div class="" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<u>Round 4: The Brains</u></div>
<div class="" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<b>Gus: Ow-Woe</b></div>
<div class="" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-7HAWzrTgG84/UboYeuQAOJI/AAAAAAAAAC4/cZ8S8eE29QM/s1600/TheVoiceofReason+-+Gus.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-7HAWzrTgG84/UboYeuQAOJI/AAAAAAAAAC4/cZ8S8eE29QM/s320/TheVoiceofReason+-+Gus.jpg" width="240" /></a></div>
<div class="" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
The most recent addition to Gus's Coterie, Ow-Woe has already proven invaluable. While his reputation has been damaged by the <a href="http://www.suburbanapologist.com/sweet-tee-of-the-day-hipster-owl-by-snorgtees/">current hipster owl obsession</a>, he is an essential intellectual asset. He is also invaluable in the quest to discover <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VVOelyGUPo8">how many licks it takes to get to the center of a tootsie-pop.</a></div>
<div class="" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<b>Ruby: Darryl the 3rd</b> </div>
<div class="" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-dx5380w_3DE/UboYeziJDdI/AAAAAAAAAC8/pBKfIhUNHuE/s1600/TheVoiceofReason+-+Ruby.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-dx5380w_3DE/UboYeziJDdI/AAAAAAAAAC8/pBKfIhUNHuE/s320/TheVoiceofReason+-+Ruby.jpg" width="240" /></a></div>
<div class="" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
Darryl the 3rd is one of the most established members of Ruby's Menagerie, but has the misfortune to have been named in the Great Darryl initiative of 2011. Currently, 5 dolls around the house share the name Darryl. Also, Darryl is just a little creepy, which keeps getting her shoved under the bed.</div>
<div class="" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<b>WINNER: Gus</b> - Ow-Woe is wise and doesn't creep the jeepers out of me.</div>
<div class="" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<u>ROUND 5: The Freak</u></div>
<div class="" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<b>Gus: Tigger(tm)</b></div>
<div class="" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-0AR8an9jygI/UboYc7bCz5I/AAAAAAAAACg/lAOFZNwrQzs/s1600/The+Freak+-+Gus.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-0AR8an9jygI/UboYc7bCz5I/AAAAAAAAACg/lAOFZNwrQzs/s320/The+Freak+-+Gus.jpg" width="240" /></a></div>
<div class="" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
Tigger(tm) was the original member of the Coterie and is still much beloved. He advises on energy policy and, surprisingly, education reform. However, he would have already been in contention for "Freak" spot just based on his bouncy, wouncy, trouncy, flouncy tendencies; but this poor guy has a bigger strike against him: he has no lower body. His rib-cage ends in a velvety and satiny flow. It's like he is a tiger top on top of a manta-ray body. He's an abomination of nature.</div>
<div class="" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<b>Ruby</b>: <b>Blankie</b></div>
<div class="" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-NYoutsxP0l4/UboYcbK0RUI/AAAAAAAAACY/pD3W6yf23WY/s1600/The+Freak+-+Ruby.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-NYoutsxP0l4/UboYcbK0RUI/AAAAAAAAACY/pD3W6yf23WY/s320/The+Freak+-+Ruby.jpg" width="240" /></a></div>
<div class="" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
A leftover shard of blanket tied into a nebulous doll-shape, Blankie brings pathetic to a new level. She is basically a fleece jellyfish, and no one wants to get cuddly with a jellyfish.</div>
<div class="" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<b>WINNER: Gus. </b>At least Tigger has the arms and head of one of the most beloved Disney(tm) characters. Blankie can't really function as a blanket or a doll. </div>
<div class="" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<u>ROUND 6: The Explorer</u></div>
<div class="" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<b>Gus: Monkey Wayne</b></div>
<div class="" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-d38hd5AgfOc/UboYdqffL4I/AAAAAAAAACo/7nFf-v3A-YA/s1600/TheExplorer+-+Gus.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-d38hd5AgfOc/UboYdqffL4I/AAAAAAAAACo/7nFf-v3A-YA/s320/TheExplorer+-+Gus.jpg" width="240" /></a></div>
<div class="" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
Monkey Wayne is the soul of adventure. He makes up one of the Beloved Trio (with Tigger(tm) and Buhn-Buhn), and is Gus's body guard and financial advisor. Also, I found this in Monkey Wayne's closet:</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-r7aibC-MAkE/UboYXSyHBAI/AAAAAAAAABo/qDbmNVjIriU/s1600/20130613_125126.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-r7aibC-MAkE/UboYXSyHBAI/AAAAAAAAABo/qDbmNVjIriU/s320/20130613_125126.jpg" width="240" /></a></div>
<br />
<b>Ruby: Naked Baby</b><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-f900Q6HQ8TQ/UbouxT7GhdI/AAAAAAAAADQ/ID8G95Kz3J4/s1600/TheExplorer+censored-+Ruby+copy.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-f900Q6HQ8TQ/UbouxT7GhdI/AAAAAAAAADQ/ID8G95Kz3J4/s320/TheExplorer+censored-+Ruby+copy.jpg" width="240" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
Naked Baby is far and away Ruby's favorite. If Ruby travels with a entourage, Naked Baby is always in attendance, lording it over the other dolls in all her naked glory.</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<b>WINNER: Ruby.</b> Monkey Wayne may also be BatMonkey, but he does his adventuring while being able to rely on his skills and gadgets. Naked Baby throws caution to the wind and greets the world wearing nothing but a small smile on her face. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<b>VICTOR:</b> Gus's Coterie.</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
While there are impressive specimens in both groups, Gus's Coterie functions far more efficiently as a team. Ruby's Menagerie is scattered and divided, members tossed off at Ruby's toddler whim.</div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11166048399071017823noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2844881757400912368.post-53931503662168755582013-06-12T14:18:00.003-05:002013-06-20T15:12:50.197-05:00The Baby Show: Every Morning with Gus.<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Players: Brad, Gus<o:p></o:p></span><u1:p></u1:p></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Location: Gus’s Room<o:p></o:p></span><u1:p></u1:p></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">At 6:30am, Gus has been making toddler noises from his room for
about 10 min, a signal that he is not going back to sleep. In the baby monitor,
he has been crawling and running all over his bed, which has been situated in
the room so that he can’t climb out of it – basically it is a twin-sized crib.<o:p></o:p></span><u1:p></u1:p></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Brad comes in and turns on the light: “Good morning, Man-Baby!
Time to get up.”<o:p></o:p></span><u1:p></u1:p></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Gus squints his eyes and throws himself away from Brad: “NO NO.”<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span></span><span style="color: #0070c0; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">{I’m not ready to get up. I still have some important things to
do here.}<o:p></o:p></span><u1:p></u1:p></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Brad: “Well, it’s time to go. Don’t you want breakfast?”<o:p></o:p></span><u1:p></u1:p></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Gus: “Behvest.”<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span></span><span style="color: #0070c0; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">{You make an excellent
point. Very well.}<o:p></o:p></span><u1:p></u1:p></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">However, before Gus comes over to be lifted from bed, he walks
over to the far edge of his bed, where the headboard is, and points down:
“Menkah.”<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span></span><span style="color: #0070c0; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">{Before you go, you must
retrieve Monkey Wayne from The Chasm.}</span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Brad comes over and looks down in the space between the headboard
and the wall – about a foot and a half – and spies Monkey Wayne down on the
floor: “What is Monkey doing down there?”<o:p></o:p></span><u1:p></u1:p></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Gus points emphatically:<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span></span><span style="color: #0070c0; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">{He was on an important
exploratory mission, but I lost contact with him shortly after his departure
and have been unable to retrieve him.}<o:p></o:p></span><u1:p></u1:p></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Brad: “Fine, I’ll get him.” Brad contorts his body over the
headboard and is momentarily upside down while he retrieves Monkey Wayne.<o:p></o:p></span><u1:p></u1:p></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Brad hands Monkey Wayne to Gus. Brad: “What do you say?”<o:p></o:p></span><u1:p></u1:p></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Gus makes the sign language motion for Thank you:<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span></span><span style="color: #0070c0; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">{I do appreciate it, kind sir. Monkey Wayne should have some
important information on whether we can launch an expedition into that area.}</span><u1:p></u1:p><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Brad lifts Gus out and puts him on the changing table and begins
changing Gus’s diaper.<o:p></o:p></span><u1:p></u1:p></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Gus: “Bite-Min?”<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span></span><span style="color: #0070c0; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">{I do believe that it is
traditional that you provide me with a gelatinous multivitamin in the mornings.
I would enjoy consuming it at this time.}<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Brad retrieves the vitamin: “Look Gus, this one is a race car.”<o:p></o:p></span><u1:p></u1:p></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Gus: “CAW”<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span></span><span style="color: #0070c0; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">{I share your enthusiasm
for delicious treats shaped like interesting machinery.}</span><u1:p></u1:p><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Gus eats it while his diaper is changed. Brad then stands Gus up
and puts a tank-top shaped romper-type outfit on him.<o:p></o:p></span><u1:p></u1:p></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Brad looks Gus over: “Will you be lifting weights later at the
gymnasium while twirling your handle-bar mustache?”<o:p></o:p></span><u1:p></u1:p></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Gus looks at him quizzically:<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span></span><span style="color: #0070c0; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">{I don’t believe I am
quite familiar with the phrase.}</span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Brad: “You look like a 1920’s weight-lifter.”<o:p></o:p></span><u1:p></u1:p></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Gus looks down at himself:<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span></span><span style="color: #0070c0; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">{Really? SMASHING}</span><u1:p></u1:p><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Brad lifts Gus up and opens the door.<o:p></o:p></span><u1:p></u1:p></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Gus grunts and points: “Mehkah.” Brad picks up monkey from where
Gus has dropped him and heads toward the door.<o:p></o:p></span><u1:p></u1:p></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Gus makes a distressed sound: “Tig-guh.” Brad picks Gus’s
Tigger-headed lovey from the bed and turns to the door.<o:p></o:p></span><u1:p></u1:p></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Gus bounces his little toddler body and makes a chirping sound:<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span></span><span style="color: #0070c0; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">{Stop trying to leave before you have collected my entire
coterie.}<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">“Buhn-Buhn.”<o:p></o:p></span><u1:p></u1:p></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Brad picks up Buhn-Buhn the Floppy Bunny from the bed. He hands it
to Gus, who is now holding all three dolls simultaneously in his chubby toddler
arms.<o:p></o:p></span><u1:p></u1:p></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Brad: “Really, you need all three?”<o:p></o:p></span><u1:p></u1:p></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Gus bounces, almost dropping Tigger. </span><span style="color: #0070c0; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">{Of course. They are my
entourage. They provide me with useful advice and witticisms. They are
invaluable.}</span><u1:p></u1:p><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Brad: “Really. What sort of advice?”<o:p></o:p></span><u1:p></u1:p></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Gus looks at Monkey Wayne:<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span></span><span style="color: #0070c0; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">{Monkey Wayne provides
me with both financial advice and is my personal bodyguard, since –as you know-
he is Batman.}</span><u1:p></u1:p><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Brad nods and Gus continues:<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span></span><span style="color: #0070c0; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">{Tigger advises me on
energy and educational policy.}</span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Brad: “I’m not sure I quite get that latter option, but okay. What
about Buhn-Buhn.”<o:p></o:p></span><u1:p></u1:p></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Gus looks at Buhn-Buhn the Floppy Bunny and then back at Brad:<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span></span><span style="color: #0070c0; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">{My good man, isn’t it obvious? Look at him, he’s adorable. He
is, as the kids say these days, my wingman.}<o:p></o:p></span><u1:p></u1:p></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11166048399071017823noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2844881757400912368.post-33943719194149834352013-06-11T13:23:00.000-05:002013-06-11T15:08:24.784-05:00The THROWDOWN: Ruby of the People Vs. Ruby of the Family.<u>Round 1: With Kids</u><br />
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<b>Ruby of the People:</b> occasionally shares without having to be prompted, is concerned and shows compassion when non-related kids cry, does not hit or bite, cannot remember anyone's name<br />
<b>Ruby of the Family: </b>doesn't even want the toy till Gus/Hope are playing with it, is often the <i>cause</i> of crying by other kids, both hits and kicks, uses correct names constantly but usually in an accusatory manner.<br />
WINNER: Ruby of the People<br />
<br />
<u>Round 2: Obeying</u><br />
<u><br /></u>
<b>Ruby of the People</b>: listens, does what she is asked fairly quickly, only has to be asked once.<br />
<b>Ruby of the Family</b>: doesn't even seem to have ears in her head, creates imaginary villains on-the-spot who are actively keeping her from obeying in a timely fashion, doesn't even understand english unless you have asked 5 times.<br />
WINNER: Ruby of the People<br />
<br />
<u>Round 3: Tone of Voice</u><br />
<b>Ruby of the People:</b> uses a relatively normal tone, says please, rarely cries or whines.<br />
<b>Ruby of the Family:</b> either doesn't talk at all because her thumb is in her mouth, or yells; has to be reminded constantly that we are not her servants; cries whenever she doesn't get her way.<br />
WINNER: Ruby of the People<br />
<br />
<u>Round 4: Gregariousness</u><br />
<b>Ruby of the People:</b> wants to play with everyone, which sometimes means she leaves kids in the middle of playing with them in order to see what the newly arrived kids are doing. Forgets to ask new kids their names, just calls them "Little Boy" or "Little Girl," even if they are 5 years old.<br />
<b>Ruby of the Family</b>: wants to be with you, specifically. Always comes back to you.<br />
WINNER: Ruby of the Family<br />
<br />
<u>Round 5: Lovingness</u><br />
<b>Ruby of the People</b>: Likes everyone, is usually polite, obedient, and kind. Want's you to be okay. A little bossy, but really just wants you to play with her and like her.<br />
<b>Ruby of the Family</b>: constantly is saying how much she loves her mom, dad, gramma, grampa, nana, poppa, Gussie. Wants to be close, snuggles. Will sit in the kitchen doing nothing just so she can be near you. Loves Jesus and sings songs about Him.<br />
WINNER: Ruby of the Family<br />
<br />
<b>VICTOR: TIE</b>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11166048399071017823noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2844881757400912368.post-6487257158121270182013-06-10T06:30:00.006-05:002013-06-20T15:10:10.441-05:00The Baby Show: Pre-Chewed for Your Convenience. <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; color: black; letter-spacing: normal; margin: 0px; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;">
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">Players:
Brad, (Gus), Ruby, Ruthie<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">Location:
The kitchen, The Living room, The Master bedroom<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">Brad
is cleaning up in the kitchen, Gus is in the back bedroom with Ruthie, Ruby is
playing in the living room.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">It
gets too quiet in the living room, so Brad steps around the corner to check on
Ruby.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">Ruby
is in the process of stuffing something into her mouth. She sees Brad, gets a
stricken look on her face, and FLEES down the hall at full toddler speed.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">Brad:
"Get back here!"<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">Ruby
slowly trudges back and stands in front of Brad.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">Brad:
"What's in your mouth?"<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">Ruby
inserts her toddler paw into her mouth and pulls out a white wad.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">Brad
takes it.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">Brad:
'Ruby, this is the gum I chewed when I was running yesterday. Why would you
want old, pre-chewed gum?"<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">Ruby:
"I found it and I needed it to go running with the baby stroller and I
will get all sweaty."<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">Brad:
"Even if that is true, you don't chew already-chewed gum. It's GROSS."<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">Ruby
stares at Brad blankly, obviously still coveting the gum.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">Brad
sighs: "Go play."<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">Ruby
runs down the hall to the master bedroom.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">Ruby:
"Mommy, I ate gum that was already chewed up."<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">Ruthie:
"Are you proud of that?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">Ruby:
"Yup!"<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11166048399071017823noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2844881757400912368.post-29610433841388677872013-06-07T06:56:00.001-05:002013-06-13T20:38:16.256-05:00Sensitive Geek MAN: Geek Parenting WINGeek Parenting: Doing it Right<br />
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-ovGXrlJJPzo/UbHJ90U2GTI/AAAAAAAAA6g/Hl9yuuZOTJw/s1600/SuperShirts+copy.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="480" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-ovGXrlJJPzo/UbHJ90U2GTI/AAAAAAAAA6g/Hl9yuuZOTJw/s640/SuperShirts+copy.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11166048399071017823noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2844881757400912368.post-38088236478746352772013-06-06T14:45:00.001-05:002013-06-06T14:51:59.485-05:00Child Cheat Codes: Carbon-Based Meat Forms<div style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; color: black; letter-spacing: normal; margin: 0px; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;">
<span style="color: white;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: white;">This is something I discovered the other day that I thought was pretty cool.</span><br />
<span style="color: white;">Maybe everyone knew this already and I'm just slow.</span><br />
<span style="color: white;">I thought it might be fun to see if I could make a video about it. Seems that this works with many (over)cooked, slightly dense, cold meats.</span></div>
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<iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.youtube.com/embed/B8PoWtL1bas?feature=player_embedded' frameborder='0'></iframe><br />
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<br class="Apple-interchange-newline" />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11166048399071017823noreply@blogger.com2