Sunday, November 6, 2011

The Renewing Mind/Sensitive Geek MAN: Marriage Works

I haven't been married that long in the grand scheme of things, so I am not sure my advice on the matter is fully vested. However, having been married as long as I have (and also having dated a decent but not overwhelming number of women before I got married) I have come to a few conclusions.

I am going to share one now.

When you are young, you think of all of these things you want in a spouse: the movies they like, the sorts of things you will do together, the books they read, whether they like the outdoors, what music they listen to, whether they like to dance, if you have things in common, blah blah blah.

There is really only 2 things you need to make a marriage work.

1. A spouse that doesn't believe in divorce no matter what.
2. A spouse that will work things through with you no matter how long it takes.

Now, those of you who read this blog or know me are probably surprised I didn't say that one of the things you need is Jesus Christ. Well, I am sure there are people in the world who have functional marriages and don't know The Lord. However, I do believe that knowing and following Jesus is the most important thing you can have in common and for me it was a non-negotiable. Also, if you both know Jesus you should automatically get those other 2 things as well as a good slew of other things that will help.

Anyway, if you have the above 2 things, it is very possible to make a marriage work, and marriage is hard work--don't believe anyone who says otherwise. If you go into your marriage thinking it is going to be always fun and romantic and light and wonderful, you are in for a rude awakening and possibly divorce (unless you also have those above 2 things and/or Jesus.) Marriage is work even for the best couples. There will be times you don't want to work, that you wonder why you got married, that you wonder what the other person could possibly see in you, but you can get through it. When you make it through those sorts of trials, you get something wonderful: a relationship where you can trust the other person unreservedly, because they have proven they will always be there, supporting you even when they don't feel like it and loving you even when they don't like you.

So, this is a message to my wife: When I said I would go where you go and stay where you stay, I meant it. I love you even when we are making each other crazy. We have good times and bad, but the important thing is that we have Jesus and each other.

1 comment:

  1. In the few years I have lived I have learned there are really only two problems a couple can have: 1) an I problem; 2) a breakdown in communications. When a marriage starts to go sideways, selfishness has taken over one or the other, or both. AND, this usually begins as the man pulls away from the Lord.