The ThrowDown: Ruby Vs. Wedding Activities

ROUND 1: Wedding Rehearsal

As Flower Girl (or the title she was bestowed by the Bride – Flower Princess), Ruby was required to be at the wedding rehearsal. After walking down the aisle with the RingBearers (or Kings of the Ring), the Bride wanted to see if the kids could stand on the stage during the ceremony so people could see their overwhelming cuteness. It is understandable that the Bride would want to harness this power for her own use – if baby and toddler cuteness could be converted to electricity we would easily solve the energy crisis—but the issue is that the Bride’s plan required toddlers to stand still for more than 30 seconds.

The parents mentioned this issue to the Bride and the wedding planner, but we were all willing to give it a shot at the rehearsal. Within 5 minutes, the kids were all over the stage. At one point we lost Ruby and one of the Ring Kings, and heard a shattering from stage left. The two of them had snuck behind a partition, jostled it in their toddler glee, and sent a 4” diameter, 4’ tall, glass candle holder plummeting to the earth.

While the Ring King was blamed for actual destructive actions, all parties involved agree that he was likely convinced to act thusly by one Flower Princess

WINNER: Wedding Activities. Toddlers have 2 settings-Moving and Sleeping. They move while they eat, they move while they use the potty, they really even move while they sleep—just less. The toddler is doomed to fail at any activity that relies on stillness.

ROUND 2:  Walking Down the Aisle

Traditionally, Flower Girls throw petals onto the walkway as they come down the aisle. However, in this particular case, our Flower Princess was relieved of this duty. All she had to do was hold the hand of the Ring Kings—who weren’t carrying rings—and walk from the back of the sanctuary, down the aisle, up a small flight of stairs, and stand on the stage until the officiate asked everyone to be seated—we all finally agreed that standing up there the whole time was asking for disaster.

This process went swimmingly in rehearsal; however, the Flower Princess didn’t wear her dress during the rehearsal.

During the ceremony, as she climbed the stairs at the end of the aisle, she kept stepping on the hem of the dress. She couldn’t lift the dress out of her way because both hands were being held by a Ring King. So, she began tripping up the stairs.

WINNER: Ruby. Thanks to her inherent toddler cuteness, her dress/walking issues came across as adorable rather than troubling. Also, the Ring Kings kept things moving by literally dragging her up the steps. All in all, it simply added a fond and cute memory to the ceremony.

ROUND 3: Reception Dinner

Most of the dinner doesn’t require comment. However, the wedding favors were a seemingly unending supply of cake pops—white cake or red velvet cake.

Ruby was the Flower Princess, Ruby was in a beautiful dress, Ruby has no shame—she simply walked up to any one and every one and requested a cake pop.

Who is going to say no?

WINNER: Ruby. She worked the system like a pro. I shed a little tear, I was so proud.

ROUND 4: Reception Pictures/Speeches/Etc

But now we have a sugared-up toddler who has been seated right next to where all the reception activities are taking place. At some point, Ruby decided that this was her wedding, and started out onto the dance floor in the middle of the cake cutting, and the speeches, and any other traditional reception activity; because the Flower Princess decided that she needed to be in every picture.

WINNER: Wedding Activities. The Flower Princess eventually had to be escorted from the room by the Flower King in order to stop disturbing the proceedings.

ROUND 5:  Dancing

The combination of sugar and dress-enhanced toddler cuteness reached its zenith during the dancing. Ruby was allowed back on the premises and danced the night away. Her dancing consists of a lot of jumping, arm-flailing, and falling down—the way drunk, white adults dance.

WINNER: Ruby. Her somewhat spastic dancing was so full of joy and giddiness that it made all who saw it laugh in delight.

VICTOR:  RUBY.

She had a great time and she behaved decently well—didn’t have any of her melt-downs in non-relative public. Also, even though she ate enough sugar to kill a small rhino, she danced it all off and fell promptly to sleep.